Purest of e2wen~* [Version 2]

助人为快乐之本

2011-11-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

我自认是一个称得上乐于助人的家伙。
特别是遇到乐龄人士，我更是会不留余力地尽力给予他们方便。
主要是因为我了解随着年纪增长而开始衰退并非他们的意愿。

我也知道自己基于种种原因，没能为自己的长辈做到一百分。
而很多时候，一些非亲非故的人也会为我的长辈们尽心尽力。
所以我很坚持，我能帮的我就会帮，因为别人也在很无私地帮助我们的家人。

但在一些情况下，有时真的会让人哭笑不得。

坦白说，我帮助人，应该算是不求回报。
当然，帮助别人有时候是希望以后别人能回你一个方便。
但说实在，我的爸爸妈妈把我教导得挺不错。
助人为快乐之本这个道理，是打从心底生了根的信念。

所以我很照顾一位与我同桌的老太太。

老太太约莫六十出头，寡妇一名。
数星期前闪到腰，到目前还在进行物理治疗。
每次上课，都是由他的干儿子接送。
原则上来讲，那位干儿子应陪同老太太上课但他只出席过一次。

老人家腰痛还坚持上课，身为小辈，已很佩服。
上完课要她一个人走下楼去候车，也不是很放心，所以我都会陪她。
送佛送到西，到了候车的地方，我会待到扶她上车再离开。
老太太顺理成章，口头上认了我这个干女儿。

今天上完课，与我出双入对的胜鹏遇见熟人便留下多聊几句。
而我，就单独陪着老太太等电梯下楼。
老太太劈头就问：“胜鹏是你的弟弟哦？”
要把我俩的关系解释清楚，一匹布那样长。
外加样子有像，常人都会如是误会，所以我回了一句：“算是吧。”
“那你有拍拖吗？”
虽然感觉事有跷蹊，我还是摇了摇头。

老太太的脸亮了一下，继续说了下去。
“嗯嗯，要不要我介绍我的干儿子给你认识？我的干儿子那天说想找你吃个饭呢。”
我心里认真囧了起来，一边干笑。
“吓？没事吃什么饭？”
“没什么，他说你真好，那么照顾我，想请你吃个饭。”
*继续干笑*
“不用啦，没什么大不了的。”
“吃个饭罢了。你们都是我的干儿子干女儿，ok啦。”
*不停干笑*
“再看，再看。”

先不管人家干儿子怎么想，老太太头上的角都跑出来了啦。
这样来给人杀个措手不及，看来我的功力真的很浅。

老太太呀老太太，别搞得我那么为难,好吗？
让我默默帮助你，别耍那么多花样，可以吗？
我真的不觉得自己额头上刻了“可怜没人爱”这五个大字叻。

话说，最近好像有点桃花朵朵开的迹象。
啧啧啧，狼狈死了。

最悦耳的掌声

2011-10-21T21:46:00.001+08:00

掌声，一个人的一生中，或多或少，一定接受过。

身为一个教育者，在被允许的情况下，我都会鼓励学生为别人鼓掌。
一来，让接受掌声的人知道自己被承认进而增加信心；
二来，让鼓掌的人习惯给予别人称赞，不再那么含蓄。
（有发现华人特别吝啬称赞与掌声吗？都是那该死的封建保守思想。）

但个人来说，我并不特别想别人为我鼓掌。
就是那种，你给就给，不给也罢。
你给得起，我受得起。

前几天，我发现到，那是因为我还未找到对我来说最悦耳的掌声。

在一阵喧哗中，轮到我走上前呈堂。
当我开始说话时，喧哗声明显下降，但窃窃细语依然此起彼落。
由于我不是什么大人物，就算想发作也无权，也只好当它耳边风。

就在我开始示范唱一首配合课本内容而改词的儿歌时，全场突然鸦雀无声。
我也乐得没人打插我的兴致，唱得好快活。
就在最后一个音符落下后，大家还是呆呆的坐着。

然后，有一个人开始鼓掌。
然后，有更多人鼓掌。
然后，全部人都在鼓掌。

虽然还不至于到 standing ovation 那种程度，但真的很爽，很爽。

原来，最悦耳的掌声，是在别人从瞧不起你到肯定你中产生的。

Teabag

2011-10-14T03:01:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure if anyone else in this world came up with this metaphor before, but I assure you this came from my own head. If it happens that you've heard this else where, it's either it started from me, or I have a twin soul living somewhere.

So what is this great idea I thought of one fine day when a friend was spilling her heart out to me? It was probably because I had tea the same day, that I decided, feelings are like teabags.

To put it simple, think of your experience with a teabag.

It's one that was recommended by many, or written on the label, to be the one that suit you best. But you will never know, until you rip open the packaging and take the first sniff. It smells pretty good, acceptable, probably going to be even more amazing once you take a sip and the flavour rolls around on your tongue and between your teeth.

And so, you put it into a cup of hot water.
Maybe dunk it in a few times, to speed up the releasing of flavour.

If you're an impatient person, you'd drink it a little to soon and the taste of the tea would be plain.
If you're a patient person, the tea might just be right for you, which timing would take a bit of experience to master.
If you're a person who is too careful, more water may have to be added because the flavour got too overwhelming.

So what has all this got to do with feelings, really?
I seriously think I must be a genius in disguise to see the similarity.

By chance, you stumble upon an object of affection, probably by the packaging or by word of mouth. Then you thought, hmmm maybe this could work, I should give it a shot. This is where you start to consider. Since it's closely related to the heart instead of the head, most people would simply decide to go for it. Refer back to example of impatient people. There isn't a chance for the tea leaves to release sufficient flavour into the water, and so you thought you needed to add in sugar etc to spice things up. But as the teabag continues to soak in the hot water even with the presence of sugar, the flavour becomes more intense and might just turn bad because sugar was added too soon.

But in the case of someone who is too careful, the object of affection, after too much consideration, might be out of date, purchased by other people, or that the initial excitement of finding one such object subsides. Unlike the simple step of adding more water after over-soaking a teabag, weighing the pros and cons for too long cannot be undone to retrieve back what was missed. It is not like wine, which is another story for another day. And over-soaked tea often has this bitterness to it that's hard to ignore, what more liking it.

Jumping too soon into a relationship before getting to know someone properly is as bad as waiting for too long. The problem with being too early is that when you see the underlying true personality, you probably get the shock of your life. As for waiting, it is usually the case of watching the person walk off with someone else, or that you find a new interest. Also, you probably thought so far ahead that the person is actually condemned for a fault s/he might (or never will because it didn't happen!) make. The bitterness of a cynic seeps in.

Life really does need some recklessness. At least, after a few sipping-too-soon failures, you'll know you just got to wait a bit longer. But to start right off with waiting too long and tasting the bitterness of an over-soaked tea, you're probably too put off to try drinking tea again. And that, is a kind of #firstworldpain.

水瓶事件（二篇）

2011-07-28T01:46:00.002+08:00

用了三年，比男朋友还忠实长久，上课一定有它的亲爱水瓶，弄丢了。 T_T

下课前进班，明明还带着。
过后回到办公室，因为肚子饿，泡了杯牛奶喝。
阴天，办公室比平时冷，又泡了杯浓浓的美禄。
事隔很久，才发现落了水瓶。

去过的地方都找过了，可是就是下落不明。
那种慌张，非笔墨所能形容。

因为身份是老师，不能坐在那闹别扭闹情绪，哭喊着要别人帮忙把它找出来。
虽然说回到家不会被妈妈骂。
难道，老师像学生那样丢了水瓶，也应该去问一问遗失部的负责老师？

2008 do a little, change a lot
reduce reuse recycle

瓶上的字，已深深烙印在脑海里。
真的十分难过，希望明天能找得回……

**************

无独有偶，林家兄妹的妹妹，对我的“聪明水”水瓶十分喜爱。

明明只是一个坐过飞机越洋过海的矿泉水水瓶，但那小瓜深信是我“十分聪明”的秘诀。

昨天给妹妹补习时，她就吵着要喝我的水。
反正小孩子，就随她去了。
今天到他们家给哥哥补习后走下楼，妹妹趁我和外婆交谈时，拐走了我的“聪明水”。
“老师老师，我可以喝吗？”
“嗯啦嗯啦，要喝就喝。”
“雅虎！”
外婆顶了她一句：“老师的水香一点的hor？”
“其实是因为水瓶上写着“聪明水”啦。哈哈！”

走到门口了，她还是不肯乖乖把水瓶还给我。
看见她那模样，“好啦好啦，水瓶送给你算了。”
“真的？！”
（看了看外婆，应该是征求意见，外婆的眼神传达着“你别不要脸啦！”的讯息）
哥哥还插嘴，“给回老师，不要乱乱拿人家的东西！”
“就一个水瓶罢了，给她吧。哈哈！”

回家的车程，我想到就笑，又想到又笑。
到家跟妈妈说，她也是笑到歪。

一个伤心，一个笑翻，上帝还真的是富幽默感。

Angry Bird, Happy Human

2011-06-12T05:02:00.003+08:00

So, reformatted the laptop.
And reinstalled Google Chrome.
Updated the extensions too.
And caught up, albeit a little outdated, with the piqued feathered creature adventure that Chrome conveniently included in its browser.

Not too shabby for the first day.
Only a few more to refine for 3 stars.
I'm addicted all right. XD

捉字蚤

2011-05-16T00:46:00.004+08:00

很想把压在胸口上的那团闷气靠文字把它一点一点地排出来。
却清楚了解除了自己的脑袋，没有一个地方是安全的避风港。

想过以打哑谜的方式将思绪记下，却将违反记录思绪的初衷。
而朋友们互相认识，我不想被不断的猜测搞得终天疑神疑鬼。

活那么大，还真的没试过将一个秘密守得这么坚持这么拼命。
看来对一个不小心可能失去的，我比想象中更怕，更舍不得。

屈指算一算，有七年了吧？是偷偷生孩子，都进一年级了哩。
靠，如将此毅力转化到工作上，不用十年可当教育部长了啦。

Genetic

2011-05-11T23:12:00.005+08:00

I suppose if you were to ask any female whether she wants to have kids of her own and the answer is no, it's probably due to her dislike towards children in general, or that labour pain is scary, perhaps even the fear of never losing that extra pounds. It's rare, practically nonexistent, to hear one say, "I don't want any child to bear the genetic defects I have. They don't deserve that."

Given the amount of physical disadvantages I've experience since young, if only I could find a way to ensure my offspring do not end up with what I had. The inconvenience caused by such shortcomings aren't exactly my main concern, but rather the potential damage that can be done to the self esteem of a child. I don't think many can have the opportunity as I did to regain what's lost.

A boy in my class seems to be experience some health issues as of late.
Top grades, good looks, loved by everyone.
Simply put, perfect.
I'm not sure if the condition's temporary like viral infection, or that a sickness such as migraine will be an on going struggle for him.
I pray he's not going to be burden with either.
But the mother did mention she doesn't have good health records to begin with.

I don't know. Does a child really deserve to go through strings of inconvenience brought by genetic defects simply because 'womanhood will be incomplete without the labouring process'? Or it's just fated? Maybe I might end up with no kids after all.

又一梦篇

2011-05-08T13:15:00.002+08:00

有点觉得，最近好像越来越接近竭斯底里的状况。
表面上好像风平浪静，暗地里，连夜乱梦。

梦什么？
梦见一位绅士。
绅士怎么啦？
绅士就是Mr. Right。

梦中的绅士，时时与孩童玩得不予乐乎，搞得浑身是伤。
而我，嘴一边训话，手一边敷药，心一边心疼。
画面真实的来，有点过于梦幻。
情节梦幻的来，也有点真实。

噢，我的世界怎么了？我的脑筋怎么了？
我的理智难道在面对现实时用尽了，到梦里会那么义无反顾？

CoincidenceS

2011-05-02T16:11:00.008+08:00

I remember either reading this somewhere or another, that coincidence aren't that rare in life if we pay more attention. But for the past 20 days, it just kept happening till it's not freaky anymore.

Scene 1: (April 12, 2011)
On a normal day, I don't really have the luxury of reading the newspaper before going to school. It's mainly because I rather sleep the extra 15 minutes, or that I had to leave earlier to school. But on this day, I somehow insisted on reading the Nanyang 副刊 before preparing for school. And saw this.

It was the first time I heard/read about anything related to G6PD deficiency. The little I know about newborns are from when Min was a tiny dot. At the age of 6, there's only so much medical information I could comprehend. I only knew that infants who appear to be yellowish had to be expose to sunlight for some time in order to prevent 黄疸病 (Jaundice). Given that I'm not going to be a mother myself anytime soon, and that none of my friends faced the same medical condition, I dismissed the article as I did with most.

However, upon getting to school, I saw my little class monitor walking to the staff room with a pair of parents. My initial worries were that the parents came to complain about whatever happening in the class, but turned out those two are actually parents to another boy who just came back from New Zealand and enrolled into my class.

After settling him down in class, I took the parents on a little tour around the school. And as the class teacher, I asked them about what I should look out for when dealing with their son. Doesn't require a genius to realise where this is heading, no?

Scene 2: (April 22, 2011)
It's a Friday night and after getting home from tuition at about 10.15pm, I sat down comfortably to start on my newspaper reading. Earlier over dinner, I told M about this trip the school teachers organised on the 21st of May. I signed up to go along for a 2D1N trip in Kukup and UK Farm. And guess what I saw on the newspaper.

Scene 3: (April 29, 2011)
Another Friday which totally worn me out. I was very tired but M wanted supper, so i stayed up waiting for her to finish another episode of her Korean drama. After half an hour, I gave up trying to keep my eyes open and retired to my room at 11.30pm. Exactly 5 minutes later, that episode ended. Oh, the irony. So she came in to ask if I would still go out for supper with her, because she's been craving so much for this burger with pineapple slices sold in front of 7-11. Tired but wanting more to accompany her, I changed out of my home clothes and soon we were eating the pretty amazing Ramli burger with pineapple slices. It wasn't until 2.15am that we got home. I swear my eyes were just gonna roll back into my skull to fall asleep but I somehow wanted to read a bit of Jughead.

(Read the entire comic here: 1, 2, 3)

Scene 4: (May 2, 2011)
On Saturday April 30th, I insisted to go to Sunway Giza during tea time because I fell in love with the concept of Hour Tavern ever since reading about them on Nanyang. While there, M told me to drop by Village Grocer and pick up some stuff needed. Amidst shopping for tomatoes and butterhead, I saw there were cut pumpkins for sale as well. Recalling how much M likes pumpkin soup, I bought one to make her some later in the week. And the recipe of the day in Nanyang is, jeng jeng jeng...

Frankly, I think it's pretty amazing. Now, if only I could blabber out 4 numbers to solve all the problems money can solve.

In A Week

2011-04-01T19:36:00.003+08:00

Ever feel like you live your life in weeks rather than in other time measurements?

On Sunday, I loath the coming of Monday.
On Monday, I wait for Wednesday, the halfway to Friday.
On Tuesday, I tell myself, it's not so bad after all.
On Wednesday, I rush to fight the work pile building since the beginning of the week.
On Thursday, I start to slow down because there's a whole weekend to do everything not done.
On Friday, I thank high heavens that it's the weekend again.
On Saturday, I wonder where all the time went.
And the cycle repeats.

Currently, I really hate Fridays to a certain degree because I have to enter 3 different classes for 6 periods back to back from 12.40 till 4.30.
And then there's tuition.
Things are so hectic and endless I don't quite grasp how time passes.

《秋思》

2011-03-05T23:16:00.002+08:00

不管是南半球还是北半球，秋天，都还未到。但，就是想谈《秋思》。

《秋思》，是想当年还是副修华文时所读过的元曲之一。
当时身在外地，特别有feel。
现在，回到家里，对《秋思》依然情有独钟。

天净沙·秋思 by 马致远

枯藤老树昏鸦，小桥流水人家。
古道西风瘦马，夕阳西下，断肠人在天涯。

古道（地名）上西风徐徐，小桥边的几户人家。
藤枯了，树也老了，连乌鸦都昏沉沉。
当太阳西下，当人人都收工回家，只有赶路赶到瘦去的马匹陪伴着离乡背井的人。
家里的望穿秋水，离家的哭至断肠，离别，是多么的染让人心痛的一回事啊。

身在远方的你们，我好挂念。
要比可怜，我肯定不及你们。
但，改变不了心中的那份思。
想下次团圆的日子，不再那么遥不可及。
想下次久违的团聚，不再那么不欢而散。
想下次，不再有下次。

花谢了，心也碎了

2011-02-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

虽然不会想听你说谎，但当你告诉我你不记得把我送你的花放在哪里，甚至有可能在离开的时候因为车太满而把它留下时，我对着他人强颜欢笑，心里却默默地开始淌血。我当初的付出不为了什么回报，但了解到被你如此糟蹋，我实在无言。那种痛，很遥远，却依然真实。我不会再为你落泪，因为眼泪不再有意义。原来，后来的后来，还是能让你伤害。

Growing Up

2011-02-15T02:58:00.003+08:00

It's an easily forgotten fact that for every second spent, you're one second closer to the end. Very morbid way of looking at it, but I think it serves as a pretty good reminder of what we can do about our lives and what difference we can make before going back to ashes.

Moving on to working life is a clear marker as part of growing up. At the very least, working means earning an amount of moolah to cover most, if not all, of our daily expenses. And that there's no longer someone to guide you. You're all big and strong now, and should be standing on your own two feet.

It's funny how we tend to realise or figure out, without even trying, what we did not understand back then. It could be the revelation that you learn better through utilizing the spatial senses rather than try-and-error, or that you finally get the whole factorisation or simplification process. Either way, it's always something you wish you knew earlier, no?

Capricorns are indeed super reflective people. They can keep going on and on about a decision made, and ponder for days if they made the right choice. As much as I find it frustrating at times, it's a trait I really ought to pick up 'cause I'm not one who often gets it right at the first go. Gotta smash into the wall a couple of times to realise, perhaps it's wiser to go around it rather than going through it.

Also, as age catches up, people tend to hang on to k rather than x or y. It's constant (k) vs variable (x/y) in case you've return all the numbers and charts back to your teachers. On a side note, I really really miss working on Mathematics question. ):

Some are worried that the new job may not pay as well as the current one, even if the current boss needs someone to shove a pineapple up places where the sun does not shine.
Some are concerned that letting go of the person may lead to a life living with 99 cats, even if there's some form of abuse going on.
Some are undecided about taking up an excellent offer that requires traveling because of the new foreign environment, even if it is the jumping board to a whole new level.
And then there are some who just can't be bothered to change because they are happy as they are now.

23 over 75 is so tiny when majority around me are probably 35/75. Or 50/75. I cannot imagine myself still here after ten fifteen years. I dream of a life beyond. But nothing will come if I don't take the first step today, or tomorrow, or the day after.

Change becomes so scary when you have spent half the life you live trying to overwrite the mistakes you made when trying something new.
Change becomes so mortifying when you have hit rock bottom too many times before reaching quarter life for making the wrong decisions.
Change becomes so irrelevant when you can just drift in the current and open your eyes to see where it has brought before considering what to do next.
Change, is the only thing unchanged over all these years.

Sing a Song of Sixpence

2010-08-10T02:58:00.004+08:00

It was 2.45a.m. when work was finally stapled and binded. The trip to the loo before bed has become a habit rather than a need. As I began to ease myself over the old fashioned toilet, I witnessed 10, if not more, real life vampires fleeing for their lives, unsuspecting as the victim which is I, from the shadow of the unseen. Out of reflex, I huffed and puffed as my hands were bound, to protect parts of me where the sun does not shine. The next thing I know, I was thinking about a nursery rhyme I did not know I remembered.

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?

Emphasis is on the part where the king was shocked when the birds poppep out from his pie.
Well, in my case, it was mozzie shooting out of my toilet bowl.

It is therefore certified that my mind works in such a peculiar manner that even I do not understand.

Hellos and goodbyes

2010-08-08T01:33:00.002+08:00

Never been a fan of them.
But I've actually been thinking about shutting this place down.
6 years of being a form of my emotion outlet, it's kinda hard to put the hammer down.
I don't know, what say you?

I want to be a billionaire, so freaking bad

2010-08-01T15:07:00.003+08:00

I know of some people who'd feel insecure if they do not have much cash with them.
They need at least 50 bucks sitting in their pocket before they go somewhere.
As for me, I could walk out of the house without a single dime for all I care.
But M doesn't like it. Heh~
Especially when I'm taking a bus back or something.

My theory is that, I don't need much (i.e. RM3 is sufficient) especially at this digital age.
If I really need cash, there's my ATM card.
Then there's Touch n Go for any public transportation required.
Besides, what if someone rob or steal from me while I'm asleep in the bus?
That's my argument for when I'm taking a long distance bus.

Still, I think I've once gone to Mid Valley with only 7 or 10 bucks, back in high school when my purse carries none of the plastic cards. Haha~
Boy I can't even remember what I did or why I went!

Anyhow, the habit stayed.
I've went out at night with the beloveds for karaoke, yamcham, DotA etc and ended up needing to put a few strings together to pay.
I think it's really bad when I go into a store and pick out a hundred million things, only to realise I don't have enough to pay!

Up to this day, I did the very same thing just this morning.
Re asked me if I had any money as we walked towards to market and I LOLed because the only 15 bucks or so on me belongs to her.

Some habits, I think, especially one like this, are hard to kick when they are formed by circumstances.
There's really not much to be done when the bank account shows 4 digits with a dot in the middle and a 300 ringgit ticket in the way.
Not to mention the mileage is 300km away from getting a service.

Ah~ Just one of the days when I really wish money grew on trees.

85928529th reason why I fail as a girl

2010-05-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

"OMG, I cannot tahan anymore!"

*fumbles through 'cosmetic bag'*

"WHAT?! WHAT?! Must be my pimple liao. Boohoohoo! You hiam my pimple to be eye sore la now? Boohoohoo!"

"WTF. I need to get a proper cosmetic bag."

*pours out new make up stuff from Va to look for the tiny pimple gel tube*

"Ya, you really should."

*continues to dig*

"Ah! FOUND! Nah."

*continues to fumble through to see if there are anymore cosmetic items*

"Eh, what the hell is this? Mascara kah? *sees Elianto* Oh, oh yeah, it is a mascara."

"... ..." -_______________-|||

Yala yala! I know I epic fail lah, that's why I'm blogging about it to let you laugh at me wtf.

Hoohum. Time to hunt for a proper cosmetic bag. Hoohum.

Boys vs Men

2010-05-02T02:11:00.002+08:00

It was nearing midnight.
Three guys and three girls stopped at a Chinese eat place.
They went there for beer.
There were others drinking there.
The other drinkers were middle age adults who gave them odd looks.
There were also a few members of other races, younger.
One girl, oldest among the six, took in all the details with cautious.
She happened to be wearing something different from usual due to the previous occasion.
It's a small peaceful town, but she was slightly weary.

She ordered a warm non-alcoholic drink, because she was the driver.
She moved uneasily in her seat, secretly sweating in her heels.
A phone call came in.
Her friend who was sick needed bread, something she could only get from across the main road.
She said ok.
She told them what she had to do and stood up.
The 5 seconds pause was fruitless.
No one took notice as she walked away, scared.
It was midnight, in a small quiet town, she had to be brave.

Heart raced, sweat broke.
Praise be to God, nothing happened.
She got back to her seat without losing a hair.
But her heart was stoned.
She realised, they are nothing but younger boys and girls.
She missed the (gentle)men at home.

And she thought to herself,
"This, is the reason I should tell anyone who ask why I've been here for 5 years but still single."

Trimester

2010-04-30T11:26:00.002+08:00

The term Trimester means a period of three months (Latin tri = three + mensis = month or "trimestris" = three months), and may refer specifically to:
- An Academic term comprising one-third of a year
- The division of Pregnancy into 3 sections of 3 months

My name is not Mary therefore I did not conceive simply by God's will.

12 weeks, a span I have experienced 68 times in my life.
Never occurred to me that it could be this hard and easy at the same time.
It was easy to the extend I could not do anything in a day.
It was hard to the extend I did not get out of bed to teach for a day.

Never tell me the job of a teacher is easy because I will punch you so hard in the face till the bridge on your nose cannot be mended at all.

11 girls and 9 boys.
We'll see what July brings. (:

Benjamin Zander on music and passion

2010-04-25T16:26:00.003+08:00

Benjamin Zander has two infectious passions: classical music, and helping us all realize our untapped love for it -- and by extension, our untapped love for all new possibilities, new experiences, new connections.

When Depression Kicks In

2010-04-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

Hasn't been feeling right since last night.
Not to mentioned damaging the car, again, three times just yesterday.
I think I'm not fit for driving.
Or maybe I should say, I really can't drive when I'm not fit.

Funny how it's supposed to be a new year according to Easter counting.
If I follow it strictly, I'm actually having a pretty shitty start. Haha~

I wanted to tell someone, anyone, that I am tired and need a break.
But those I am willing to tell, are not available.
I'm a good friend, I know I am, but I am not an almighty friend.
There are times when I am tired and would expect I get comforted too.
I guess it just sucks to be me 'cause I'm always depressed at the wrong time.

病的病、忙的忙、烦的烦、伤的伤、乱的乱。

有谁有时间听听我述说吗？
突然发现，到头来，还是自己一个人。
身边的过客很多，太多。
多得自己也开始忘了、记不住、冷漠。
而却还很自私地奢望有个人来关怀。

Wanted to go for a dip today but had to play the role of a good friend.
Wouldn't have had the thought of reluctance if another friend hadn't got out of the way to be in the way.
There simply are limits to things between platonic friends or more than that.
Stop pulling me into the mess I try so hard to keep out off.
I'm sick as it is and tired as it is.
Stop luring the tears I try so hard to fight off.
And stop saying you're there if I need an ear.
I'm not telling you my problems because I know you don't have time for them.
Especially when you're so caught up with that new best friend of yours.
It's not the first time you ignore my call for help.
I become the one to give help rather than receiving when someone else comes along.
Even when I'm the one asking for it first.

搞不好天生二奶命。
做什么都达不到第一。
而且，太爱自以为是。
有什么风吹草动，都爱想象是自己惹出来的。
好可笑呢，我这个可怜虫。

想回到过去，独来独往的时候。
人不犯我，我不犯人。
别人不是我的顾虑，我也不是谁人的负担。
为什么会越陷越深？
我不是耶稣，付出了的，我会期待回报。
我没你想象中那么伟大。

You don't need to change friends if you understand friends change.

The only reason why I would want to change friends is because they never change.
I have, I've changed and I can no longer accept them as they are.

I've already shut off myself towards others.
Now it's high time I shut others off from me as well.
I never get to master how not to get heartbroken from caring.
I should change my tactic and learn how not to care instead.
Pessimistic, but effective, it seems.

Right now, I am the angry teenager who hates everyone and everything.

Oh boy

2010-03-26T20:15:00.004+08:00

My heart skips a beat faster whenever I see your face.
A smile creeps to my lips whenever I think about you.
Your name comes to mind first whenever I need company.
Oh boy, I think I've fallen for you.

My head tells my heart to not skip a beat faster whenever I see your face.
My brain forbids the smile to creep to my lips whenever I think about you.
My common sense brushes your name off my mind whenever I need company.
Oh boy, you haven't the slightest idea, have you?

I'd forgotten how infatuation feels like, it's exciting.
I try so hard to keep it to myself, it's suffocating.
You told me you notice details but never said anything.
Oh boy, did you see right through me too?

Caught Off Guard

2010-03-24T07:59:00.003+08:00

How often do you get caught off guard?
Never?
Seldom?
Sometimes?
Often?
All the time?

For me, it happens quite regularly.
Despite my dislike towards routines, regularity soothes me.
My ability to blend in easily quickens the process of finding a new comfort zone.
Once I get there, it'll require only a snap of a finger to catch me off guard.

Which happened twice in the last 12 hours.

Things seem so settled down these days that everyone turned off their alarm mode.
Underneath the smooth water surface, a whirlpool is forming at the bottom.
Past decisions can't be undone and future changes can't be avoided.
I'm not taking it well, I don't know how hard it's hitting the targeted person.

On a cheerier note, I hope I didn't blush when I was suddenly asked if he is my so and so.
I hope I didn't nod too hard when I was asked again if he was good looking.
I hope my voice was calm enough when I agreed that he's a good person.
I hope I didn't laugh too loud when I was told he's a keeper.

The sudden interrogation drained my hyper department.
Now I'm left with the blahs from last night.
Major BLAH.

Mathematics

2010-03-12T08:30:00.002+08:00

Every subject interests different people.
It would be selfish to want to make all my pupils love and excel in Mathematics.
It was hell for my History teachers so it's some sort of karma now I guess.

It's pretty hard to come up with one specific problem for carrying out an action research.
And the lack of experience to find relevant literature review is also a pain.
3 more weeks, I hope I'll do good.

Happy Birthday, MMI!

2010-03-01T10:38:00.001+08:00

Confession

2010-03-01T10:30:00.005+08:00

A few colleagues think I'm not quite right today.
But I feel otherwise.

I still dreaded waking up when I had to.
I still rushed out of the room this morning.
I still raised my voice at some of the boys when they started misbehaving.
I still ate rice like I do every day.

I really think I'm very much like usual today.
Although I had one of the most unusual experiences last night.

It all started when Re and I talked about how we never really did anything crazy that was spontaneous and irrational but fun and would be remembered for life.
I can't cut my hair into some funky style and dye it silver and blue.
I don't have the funds to go sky diving.
I am strongly against one night stand and sex before marriage.
I'm not ready to risk another friendship.
Family stays out of my outburst.

For all those reasons, I remained cool, calm and collected.

But I decided to make a confession last night.
A confession which isn't exactly news because the other party involved knew all along.

So there I was, standing on the corridor, looking at the full moon, wondering if it could be explained by scientific reason for my act, and catching someone off guard by telling him I really really like him in a nonchalant tone.
Twice.
Lol.

It amused me when he asked if I went to a place, saw something, or found out a truth that provoked the sudden confession.
Since it took so long. Haha~

But it was pretty cool of how it ended.
Nothing.
Because I couldn't think of a better way of ending it, sealing this chapter, and smiling at the thought of it when I'm old. (:
I'm glad it's finally off my chest.
At least if I do drop dead right now, I told one more person how much I appreciated their presence in my life.

On a side note, it's probably not that irrational telling him last night.
Because I already knew whatever respond he might have given won't effect me anymore.
Thank you, if ever you read this.

I think marriage is something sacred. Period.

2010-02-21T23:56:00.002+08:00

The Internet is evil.
Always unavailable when I feel like pouring out my heart on Blogger.
Thank Windows for Notepad, the only good thing that came from them. Lol.

It's irony how being a primary school teacher made me even more kiddo than I previously was and that age did the exact opposite, simultaneously.
Every time I meet up with people from my age group and they start talking about work and goals and all those big mojo stuff, I feel like I've gone nowhere since high school.
I'm always listening to new grown-up stories from other people and have none to share.
If I did, it's probably something as insignificant as how I suffer writer's block when writing my lesson plans.

On the other hand, I sneer a lot more often these days.
I'm getting so cynical that I gave 4 people who are so close to my heart 'the look' while they watched Princess & The Frog.
When I didn't remember was, that DVD was in the house because of me.
I mentioned absentmindedly to my young neighbour that I have yet to watch it and the next day, his brought it over.
And I watched it alone the day before.
So much for being a cynic.

Some part of me really do fear ending up as a cynical spinster.
Who has a houseful of stray cats and dogs.
Provided that they don't fight, otherwise the cats stay indoors and the dogs in the backyard.

Ahem.

現狀：女皇
其實你的條件很好，也很有吸引力，追求者是不缺乏的，只是對方通常給你一種膚淺的感覺，讓你沒有信心能跟對方定下來。

問題：教皇
你對新對象有一定的要求，而且觀念比較傳統，所以不是有很多適合的對象，加上個性又不主動，從認識到戀愛，可能需要滿長的時間。

建議：女教皇
收斂你愛玩的個性，好好沉澱自己，你才能知道自己要的是什麼，不要憑外在條件找對象，因為那通常不準，請多重視思想的交流。

Double ahem.

I think, starting from now, instead of telling God 'may Your will be done' when it comes to relationships, I should say 'God, please give me my Adam now'. LOL.
In a way, after being single for so long. I think I've forgotten how to treat the guy I like properly.
It's either I look like a buffoon for trying too hard, or that I don't try hard enough. Bah.
Also, there's the part where age tells me to think with my head about what if things don't work the way it should and I end up losing a friend.

Jut the other day, a typical conversation between a 20 something and an older female relative crept up.
Somehow, my grandaunt was sharing her thoughts on relationships for my age group.
Mainly from a girl's perspective.
She insisted that girls (focusing on me, obviously) shouldn't sit around and wait for guys to serenade us with flowers and chocolates and other stuff like that.
"You should be more aggressive these days." I quote her. "Grab the good ones before they are taken."
The husband decided, at this point, to give us a piece of his mind too.
"Aiyah, young men shouldn't be caught up in a relationship just yet. They should work hard and build their career first. If not how to marry you."
"No, that's not what I think. I think girls should take the initiative if she meets someone right. Later I wait for you, you wait for me, wait away years lah. Boys nowadays ah, haiyah."
Seeing that as an easy escape, I decided to stay out of the topic hereafter.

But it got me thinking, nonetheless.
Realistically speaking, my grandaunt has her point.
Getting a guy who has all the good qualities your relatives look for is like buying insurance for your after marriage life.
At the very least, you get half the house and car if you do divorce.

Thing is, I see marriage as something sacred.
I still believe in love.
And being prideful as always, I'm gonna defend myself with "which girl doesn't believe in love you tell me la."
Damn it, it's so hard for me to admit it to myself.
I think I'll probably hit myself in the chest when I read this again someday.
But what the heck, I needed the distraction.
'cause I'm actually missing a guy.
A guy who is working hard to build his career and perhaps able to provide me with a good life after marriage.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Ok, not funny. Not only am I suffering blocks from writing lesson plans, I'm also facing the same thing with blogging. I think no one is going to understand what I trying to say in this entry. Boohoo!

Then again, it's the time of the month, probably just the hormones talking.
Lalala~

The Man In The Desert

2010-02-06T11:25:00.000+08:00

Disorders

2010-01-30T18:10:00.000+08:00

I just realised, I probably do have a minor case of OCD after all.
After arranging the boxes under my bed, I headed out to wash my hands.
As I was putting on my slippers, I saw one box poking out.
Every other box was pushed in neatly, except for one corner of this particular box.
I took two steps out, and turned around.
Took off my slippers and went back in to push that one corner of this particular box in.
When that one corner of this particular box was pushed in, aligned with the rest, I felt at ease.
Lol.

If it wasn't OCD, I don't know what is. XD

On the other hand, I had to fumble with something when I talk with other people.
I change hobby every 3 minutes.
My attention span is less than 2 hours.
I move on a little too quickly.

Probably signs that I do have ADHD too.

And don't get me started with autism. Hoohum.

This brain of mine may have a very advance processor, and probably an equal speed RAM.
But the wiring is pretty screwed.
Guess God is fair. :D

Kangmae

2010-01-18T10:05:00.002+08:00

Seems like I really can't get enough of Kim Myung-min as Kangmae.
Every time he appears on the TV screen, I smile.
Whether he as Kangmae is being sarcastic or angry or amused, I grin like a buffoon because he's there.
I wonder what will happen as I go further down the drama, when he instructed his make-up artist to give him an older look.
My heart broke the first time I watched Beethoven Virus.
My stomach twisted and tied itself into a knot.
I knew it was love at first sight.
*sigh of happiness*

Allah

2010-01-05T18:21:00.003+08:00

It's a hot issue, I know.
It's a sensitive issue, I know too.
But I really need to get it off my chest.
It's just God in another language, let it go already!
Why bother having a High Court if its decision is to be ruled against???

Read more here.

Was pretty disturbed when I saw Muslim friends join groups on facebook against the use of Allah by non-Muslims.
Felt like they would hunt me down in my hostel room and hang cow head on my door.
Oh, that was another issue, wasn't it?
Either way, even though it's a rare case, I felt threatened. ):

One last year, please let me leave the place with sweet memories.

Do you remember it's Jesus' birthday?

2009-12-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy Christmas to all!
I hope you know why you're partying.

The Importance of Mastering English

2009-12-05T02:01:00.001+08:00

Or any other language, for that matter.

9 years old

2009-11-29T21:48:00.002+08:00

Can you remember how you were, or what you were doing, at this age?
For me, I probably found out I passed my PTS and was deciding whether to go straight to Primary 5 or not.
And still quiet and shy and a little slow.
Definitely not like this 9-year-old who came to my house and made me help him set up a facebook account. LOL!

I'm often amused by this young fella, but the age gap sometimes is a matter when it comes to understanding his joke.
Still, it's good to have him around, when I don't feel like choking him. Haha~
Typical kind of rascal that you love and hate at the same time.

We were heading home after dinner earlier on.
The car we were taking had 6 passengers.
Because I'm the tallest, I get to seat in front.
The boy, who was seating in the back seat with the rest, shouted,
"I want to sit with you in the front!"

I thought 9-year-old boys have the "Yer! Girls got girl-germ!" egoistic mentality??

68kg

2009-11-15T22:03:00.001+08:00

Not the most flattering photo but this is me now. (:

Snippets

2009-11-15T18:11:00.002+08:00

Hello world!
How much do you weigh, lately?
I'm 3kg from my target (relatively ideal) weight, fighting!
Oh, by the way, my complexion has improved tremendously.
I've also been taking care of my skin by applying lotion every night.
What do you think is going on with me?

Me thinks, it's the biological clock ticking.
Transformation of the physical appearance is probably link to the subconscious mind preparing oneself for the search of a mate.
But that's just me saying, wonder what Ms. Thong the psychiatrist think about my theory.

I'm 5 days from being let go.
Have tried letting go since beginning of the year, but failed miserably.
Mainly because I can't do it on my own.
So now, time is up, it's not up to me to linger anymore.
And I'm glad, to tell the truth, very glad.
It's always good to move on, out with the old and in with the new. Haha~

Can't wait for everyone to be in town again, myself included.
I totally missed every single one of you, like double triple totally.

The mind is a peculiar thing.
You can't control what it will think of and sometimes,it's those little things that trigger enormous emotions.
The sound of a text message received can yield so many different responses.
The smell of a hair wax brings back so many memory.
Humans know too little about senses.

I'll be having my third and final most important practicum starting Feb 1st, 2010 for 3 months.
Mathematically saying, it should ends a day before May 1st, Labour Day.
Which also when Church of Our Lady of Fatima, Kangar is having the social event for the year at parish level.
Guess who's in-charged of barbecue + karaoke?
Plus, I collected offertory AND offered the Body of Christ today, without prior notice nor knowledge!
Never would have thought I would this involved with church stuff.
What more in a place I'm leaving in a year.
I guess I've fallen so deeply in love with Perlis I never realised.

Speaking of practicum, I'll be doing it in the school Patricia teaches.
And guess who's the Head of Mathematics?
It's fate, I'm telling you, and a fate that comes too late, in another sense.
Oh Life.

Have a great week ahead, you who are reading this. (:

The Launch of My Secret Project

2009-10-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

MyungMin International website is now up and running!
And as a special treat, Kim Myung Min graced us with a video message ~ in ENGLISH!

Full video which is viewable for MMI members can be found here: http://mmi.myungmininternational.com/node/350

Not yet a member? Sign up now!
http://mmi.myungmininternational.com/node/205

See you at http://www.myungmininternational.com

Recognised

2009-10-09T13:57:00.004+08:00

In the midst of talking to Charles while walking from the library to the canteen, I spotted the director walking past us.

E: Good morning, Sir!
D: Good morning. How are you?
E: Fine, thank you. And yourself, Sir?
D: I'm doing fine. Hey, I haven't seen you around lately.
E (slightly stunned): Is it? I've been around. I'm here, now, no? Hehe.
D: Not really, I hardly see you these days. Where were you during the Mid Autumn Festival? I didn't see you around.
E (completely surprised): Oh, I was up in the sound system room. Wow! Sir, you noticed! Wow, that's nice. Thank you for remembering me. Hahaha!

The director smiled before we said goodbyes and parted.
Not a word was exchanged between the director and Charles.
Even though Charles just went to see him yesterday.
And I went to his office a little over a year ago, for Mid Autumn Festival 2008. XD

2009-10-06T20:14:00.000+08:00

I could never behave normal when I'm with you.
I try so hard to act normal but always end up doing more stupid things than before.
The timing is not right.
Never has been.
Guess we're just not meant to be, no matter how I dreamed of it.
The personality test says I put family above all, followed by pride, career, love and money.
I guess I have to accept it even if I'm too full of pride to admit pride ranks so high in my list.
The fact that I rejected you in my dream because I thought you weren't sincere.
Seriously, what the hell?
Why can't I forget everything and pretend to be happy for a while?
Not even in my own dream!
And then there was the time I got a little tipsy and decided I was brave enough to let go of my pride and confess how you turn me into a retard whenever you appear.
Why did I have to go check the timetable and find out you were having exam the next day?
Why? Really, why?!
I guess aging is making my spontaneity go away.
I hate how no one understands.
I hate how I don't understand why I'm like this either.
I blame it on the hormones.
I blame it on the stars.
I blame it on my not-quite-right neuron system.
But in the end, nothing really matter because at this point, I'm heart broken.
And you're not there to catch me.
Honestly, as much as I'm going to miss you, I can't wait for you to leave.
You presence make my world crumble to its foundation just like that.
A sight of you scatter my common sense into dust just like that.
Even close friends say they look down on me because of how I act towards anything that relates to you.
There's really no point, no?
That you can't make me stronger.
That you can't make me better.

I let out a little laugh when David Archuleta's A Little Too Not Over You was played on random.
Then I felt like life has its own way of mocking me when I played Into Each Life Some Rain Must Fall by The Ink Spots and Ella Fitzgerald next after the transfer from Jin was completed.
Oh life.

Mockery in its most high: music player played the song I wanted to dedicate to you when I was rereading the blog entry.

Song Dedication

2009-09-27T09:26:00.004+08:00

There's a song that I've been wanting to sing to a person.
But, you know, it's just not right when you're in my shoes.
Today, I sang it in front of that person.
Many many thanks to fate and the shuffle option on my trusty k750i.
Guess that person will never know it's a song that tells my secret.

Birthday Treat

2009-09-23T12:22:00.000+08:00

Because it's my bithday, I decided to put up a whole lot of Kim Myung-min's photo.

Beethoven Virus:

Post Closer To Heaven:

*fan girl mode turned on full blast*

21 years since the suffering begins

2009-09-23T01:18:00.000+08:00

Since the day I was born up to this day, the suffering has never ended.
Autism, ADHD, born short-sighted, sensitive skin, toxic blood, asthma when I was much younger, allergic reaction to seafood, unmanageable curls all sums up to mental stress and financial burden to both my parents.
I don't know how they managed to make it through 21 years of living with me.

In Chinese, our birthdays are also known as 父忧母难日.
A day when the father worries while the mother suffers.

Now that I'm legally adult, I have to bear my own wrong doings in the name of the law.
I have to toughen up and lead the life I have chosen.
But I know home is always there when I need shelter.

D, M, I just want to thank you for all that I have and all that I am today.
21 years, you guys are amazing.
I can ask for no better parents.
I love you.

Sign Language Improvised

2009-09-21T23:05:00.001+08:00

It all started when crazy cousins are put together for dinner.
It's inevitable to tease each other about everything under the sun.
And one of the responses, after few rounds of sparring, was:

Whether it was interpreted as Loser or Lame, it was quickly retorted with

Whateverrrrr.

The other cousin who was looking on then asked,
"Why make a small w when you can make it big like this?"

At this point, I was already laughing so hard.
They told me to form two L's with my thumbs and index fingers on both hands.
And place the L's beside my face.
Then they urged me to say O, which I followed obediently.

Click here to see the end result.

LOL!

2009-09-18T19:57:00.003+08:00

If I could be someone else for just a day.
I'm getting bored with myself.
The thing about growing up is to act my age.
It's been conditioned in my Asian genes.
Gone are the days where being expressive or impulsive is as natural as sneezing.
Suppression seems to be the reason my enthusiasm died.
Ah, I need to fall in love soon.
Being addicted to Kim Myung Min doesn't count.
All I get from this obsession is a droll-covered laptop.
Unless someone buys me the ticket to fly to Korea right now.
Kim Myung Min's latest movie premiers on the 24th of September.
I don't mind belated birthday present.
But then again, I'll be upset by how he looks these days.
Sigh, 皮包骨呢。看了怪心痛哩。
好啦，换成中文了，要做什么呢？
最近的思路好像不大对劲，五时花六时变。
一下子好像很理智，一下子却任性到不行。
真的觉得是压抑太久，快到瓶颈了呀！
哦，好想吃Ikea的食物哪！特别是它的冰淇淋！*流口水*
发现到自己好喜欢说谎话给自己听，企图听得多，自己也会开始相信。
哇啦啦~我又要沉醉在明民的世界里了。拜拜！

Parents on facebook

2009-09-04T21:32:00.001+08:00

Omg, hahaha!

Link.

Losing my soul to Seoul

2009-08-23T18:15:00.002+08:00

Some online friends I got to know through our mutual interest (read: Kim Myung Min) are flying to Korea from various parts of the globe next month. Coincidentally, it's the week I'm actually having Raya break. And Kim Myung Min's latest movie is premiering on the 24th.

Despite the flat tone, I'm actually extremely jumpy because I want to too. Come on, is there anyone who would give me this trip as my 21st birthday present? Anyone at all? Please?

*dies

Sit

2009-08-16T19:12:00.004+08:00

Currently typing out exam questions for Year 1 Physical Ed.
Was searching for a 'sit' image and found this.

Too cute to not insert into the exam paper. XD

Family Love

2009-08-15T18:26:00.002+08:00

*ques Nal Dalm Eun Geu Dae (One who look like me) by Dynamic Duo from Bad Family OST*

Hahahahaha~

"I love my mother, I love my father, I love my sisters, and my brothers~~~"

ThinkGeek

2009-08-13T22:11:00.001+08:00

I suppose it's almost certain that I'm quite a geek.
Otherwise, I wouldn't find ThinkGeek interesting, would I?
No doubt I find some of the items pointless (like the ThinkGeek Bluetooth Retro Handset) and lame (like the ThinkGeek Annoy-a-tron) but it's still so cool!

Especially the Free Time Watch.

*big wet eyes

Saw a few things I would love to buy but...
Online shopping is the most evil thing ever.

Beethoven Virus DVD box set

2009-08-10T18:40:00.001+08:00

Ah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone get this for me please!

http://shop.innolife.com/shop/list.php?ac_id=81&ai_id=11338&inno_Session=1f8dd3c74953c29cf7107a4d568a5bbf#

Departures

2009-07-11T17:03:00.006+08:00

I've mentioned this movie a couple of times but I never talked about it for real.

You can find the synopsis by running a search on any search engine.
I'll spare you about the casts and awards too.

Like ASG's The Confession of Max Tivoli, I learn about Departures from Nanyang Press.
I liked what I read from the reviews and decided to be crazy about it.
Wanted to go to GSC during the Japanese Films Festival just to watch it.
Sadly, I was leaving before it's screened.
I whined quite a bit about it that even a distant relative knew my disappointment.

Two nights before leaving, I accompanied M to go for her massage.
I loitered in a nearby DVD shop in hope to find some of KMM's products.
Saw only Beethoven Virus and Bad Family, both of which I've watched.
Then I asked for an old movie which M got me to find for her friend.
Instead of retrieving what she wanted, I saw Departures.
Need not me to tell what I did after.

The next day, after cleaning up the house before leaving, I plopped on the couch with Departures playing.
I was so captured by it that even when Leng came home, I couldn't be bothered.
It was mind blowing, in a way to say.
Very beautifully melancholy, if it actually make any sense.
And the OST is simply superb.

Click here to be directed to the download link of the movie.

Click here to be directed to the download link of the OST and subs.

Being Addicted

2009-07-06T01:21:00.003+08:00

I usually wake up at 5.30am to get ready.
(or 5-10 minutes later 'cause of the snooze function)
I've been sleeping at 5 or 6 for the past 2 days.
I'm waking up at 4 later to shower.
It's 1.30am but I'm still awake.
But I'm finally gonna get proper sleep now.
The payment has finally been made and now I'm waiting to receive my goods.

I just spent 120 USD on YesAsia buying KMM's movies and drama.
That's about 400 MYR, almost my allowance for a month.
I know I'm crazy.
But I'm definitely loving it!
Time to start counting down the dates for my shipment to arrive!
I'm simply overjoyed!

Dry

2009-07-05T22:54:00.004+08:00

Three years in a row, the hostel runs our of water at this time of the year.
The agony of limited water supply is driving me nuts.
The thing I hate most is when I twist and nothing comes out.
Repeat process for 3 times before I find somewhere with droplets of water.
The worse ever possibility is that none has water and I had to go back up to my room for that bucket of water I saved.

Actually, my block is doing fine all along, until people from other block invade and use up all the water we have in our water tank.
Because of the sudden increase of usage, the pump is not working fast enough.
The guys have it worse. The whole block has to fight for 5 cubicles.
You say la, how the hell are we ever gonna mencapai taraf dunia?
Unless comparing Malaysia to India makes you feel oh so proud. Bah!

August Rush

2009-07-05T20:58:00.006+08:00

As I type this, I'm shivering.
My whole body is covered with goosebumps.
I'm literally shaking from this unknown chill that's surrounding me.

It took me 3 sessions to finish one 113 minutes movie.
But that never stopped me from getting goosebumps as the movie nears the end.

This one is a MUST watch.

Click here to download the OST.

Frozen

2009-07-05T19:06:00.003+08:00

I love throwing oranges into the fridge.
Like the slogan of Peel Fresh, any fresher you'll have to peel it n your own.
That's exactly what I love doing.
Peeling juicy chilled oranges and eating them.
That's why I'm always generous on me oranges.

I bought some a week back and kinda forgotten about them.
Then today, I remembered and decided to eat one.
Took it out of my minibar and sunk my fingers into it.

It was only half way through that I realise the skin is actually very thin.
The main reason as to why I had such a hard time peeling is because it's semi frozen!
Like, srsly wtf?

Putting freeze and sour together, you'll get the ultimate orange eating experience.
Had to leave it inside a cup to defrost before continuing. Lol.
But it's still sour lah, of course.

Feeling accomplished

2009-07-05T01:55:00.003+08:00

I have no idea how much time has passed for me say this again now.
It's been a week since my 2nd practicum started.
Wasn't exactly feeling enthusiastic the day before or even on the first day.
However, certain changes took place in my life within that few days.

I probably make it sound so serious but the actual fact is, I joined a forum.
Lol.
It's not the first time I joined an online forum but I've never been so active.
I started with leeching off information about KMM but grew to participate in the discussion.
Then, when they needed help to translate between English and Chinese, I offered to help despite going to start practicum.
Now, I can't turn back.
In fact, at the point of writing, I don't think I even want to turn back.

The workload is hectic, what more with preparing stuff for my practicum.
But the thing is, I've never been more organised than this.
I knew my grades depend much on my practicum marks, so I never miss any school work.
I made sure I complete my real life responsibility before going on with my virtual interest.
Even if I do sneak some break time to read replies on the forum, I always stop at where I promise myself and go back to work.

The most significant improvement is that my portfolio exist. Lol.
I was lucky last semester because my lecturer did not report me for not having a portfolio into the 2nd week of practicum.
Not wanting to go through the same trouble of rushing out a crappy one at the end, mine is probably the most completed one now as compared to everyone else.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers the fact that I watched Beethoven Virus in between of exams and got so addicted to it that I couldn't focus on my studies at one point.
Then, I got the revelation through KMM and BV to work hard.
Guess what, my CGPA shot up from 3.65 to 3.81.
I swear KMM is my motivation.

I guess that's what I needed most and I got it.
I want so badly to help out in building this new fan base that I push myself to finish off my work.
I make sure everything I do are in tiptop condition before I proceed with this new hobby of mine.
Honestly, I feel like I have grown up, in a way to say.
More disciplined, more committed, more enthusiastic, more accomplished.

I like how this obsession with KMM is turning me into.
And it makes me adore him even more.
Not to mention thankful too.

I don't hope for the fever/virus to last long and continue to keep me motivated.
I will make it work for me towards the end.
That's a promise to myself.

On another note, another thing that boosted my ego tremendously is my driving skill.
I've always have contradicting views about my own driving.
I'm somewhat scared to drive M's car but I've always believe I can drive well.
Maybe I'm more scared to cause inconvenience to M than to be on the road.
So the other day, the driver friend suddenly asked if I could help her reverse the car out of a tight parking despite knowing I haven't drove in a long time and I'm still under probation.
I was curious as it is when she kept saying she can't she can't she can't.
It took me a reverse and a turn to get out, simple as that.
I can't think of anything else at the moment that can ensure a confirmed speedy ego booster such as this. Heh~

Things are starting to look bright for me.
Maybe it looks bright because I'm allowing it to.
Either way, I'm loving it, and I'm gonna make sure it stays that way.

Don't really care anymore if what I said make sense to anyone else other than myself.
It's not that "I don't give fuck anymore".
But rather, I think I moved up on Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs. ;)

Kudos to me!

Shorthand & Culture

2009-07-04T15:38:00.004+08:00

I'll admit I'm a guilty offender.
I never doubt the use of "Jap" to refer to anything Japanese.
Thankfully, my ignorance is enlighten today through this.

List of taboo words:-
African: nigger
Chinese: chink, oriental
Japanese: jap
Korean/Vietnamese: gook
Filipino/Pilipino: flip

So to anyone reading this, please avoid using any of the offensive slurs.

In fact, the best is to just type in full sentence.
You cannot imagine how many times I've seen very misleading shorthand phrases even on educational websites.

*please note that the purpose of this entry is to spread awareness and has no intention of offending any party*

Cello

2009-06-30T20:29:00.003+08:00

When watching Beethoven Virus, I realised the instrument I really love is actually cello.
Violin and trumpet were the instruments played by the main cast but I truthfully hated them.
Because both make sharp sounds.
Which makes more sense now that I've put it down words.
No wonder I'm attracted to males with deep voice.

Going back to cello, it's one of the many reasons why I wanted to watch Departures so badly.
And I never expect to hear Beethoven's 9th Symphony complete with choir in it too.
At that point, there was a sudden rush going on in my head.
I was overwhelmed by this trivial coincidence.
I became even more obsessed with cello after hearing Okuribito from the OST.

Tonight, 39 days after BV, 11 days after Departures, I started watching August Rush.

Out of the 15 movies I have, I chose it with zero idea of what it's about.
I won't know what the difference between fate and coincidence is if this is not a sign.

Shockers

2009-06-22T17:40:00.000+08:00

It's the first day of a new semester.
The excitement I used to feel during school reopen has long gone with my innocence.
When k750i played Nella Fantasia at 0615 hour, I was reluctant as hell to wake up.
But I forced myself up because yesterday night, I was called to meeting.

Today is also the day a batch of newcomers is coming in.
Surprisingly, there were only 3 classes.
Second surprise for the day was when it suddenly rained just like that.
I was so soaked that I had to remove my heels to walk because they were slipping off.

During the meeting last night, I was not assigned to work in any department for the day.
But being the ever helpful and responsible me, I helped at the registration counter.
After a mere 3 hours, I was so drained I might start soaking up water like a sponge.
I know for sure I can never work in customer service.

Then again, it could be because I was too shocked from a news.
I. AM. NO. LONGER. IN. THE. SAME. CLASS. AS. MY. ROOMIE. W.T.F.M.C.H.
SOME IDOIT WHO HAD HIS HEAD STUCK IN HIS ASSHOLE FOR TOO LONG DECIDED TO MERGE MY CLASS WITH THE OTHER CLASS AND SPILT US UP AGAIN FOR INTEGRATION SHIT.
MFSOAB, IT HAS BEEN LIKE THAT FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AKA 8 SEMESTERS WHY THE FUCK DOES HE HAVE TO CHANGE IT NOW?!
I bet it's to make them look less bad since the other class always always always have mush lousier results than ours.
Omigosh, I don't know how to express my depression other than typing in CAPS.
SRSLY WTF?
WHY?
It really wouldn't be as bad if I remained in the same class with my roomie. )':
To make things worse, seems like all the problematic people are in my new class.
Gulp! Does that make me one too? :O

Daddy

2009-06-21T00:00:00.001+08:00

I wouldn't ask for any other.

Happy Daddy's Day.

Reassurance

2009-06-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Travelling in KL at night is something quite rare for me.
Was on the way back from Pavilion and I was almost falling asleep after a long day.
Since Leng is back, I was sitting in the back seat, undistracted by the view in front.
Out in the night sky, skyscrapers were blurry from afar.
Although I couldn't see any stars, it was calming to just sit and watch.
No distraction, no nothing.
Then, amidst the blackness of the sky, I saw a red cross floating in the air.
Well, technically, the brightness of the lights on the cross blinded my vision on the building it was sitting on.
But that kind of feeling is simply priceless.
The feeling that assure me I'm a mortal who is addicted to another human being because of his looks, acting skills, personality, charisma etc but by the end of the day, the cross is still where I'll be as I breathe out my last breath. (:

New Addiction

2009-06-17T01:42:00.001+08:00

I'm hopelessly addicted to Kim Myung Min and has not intention of getting rid of him.
Reading a forum thread which is 130-page (to date) about him made me idolise him.
Somehow, at the back of my mind, I kept reminding myself, if only I could adore Christ like this. Lol.
I'm gonna be real thick-skinned and ask for everyone to help me get my hands on ALL his movie/drama.
Kim Myung Min fighting!

Bad Family

2009-06-15T17:57:00.002+08:00

Bad Family is a Korean drama about a little girl who lost all 7 of her family members in a car crash caused by her father's employee, who is also a family friend. The little girl lost her memory and ability to talk due to extreme shock, which pleased the culprit. But the girl's uncle found evidences which indicated the car crash was an attempted murder. The uncle then hired 8 strangers to be the girl's staged family in order to help her regain her memory and put the culprit behind bars. Seeing how it's a drama about family, obviously it has a happy ending. And it's undeniable heart warming.

Kim Myung Min was the leading actor which I'm in no position to judge his performance in the drama but the rest of the cast were equally good too. I don't deny there are times I find their acting a little too exaggerated for my liking but I think that's how Korean family-oriented/comedy/non-serious dramas are. And a common trait I come to realise and love is that the music/songs used in Korean drama always have the ability to capture my heart. I really think they put in more effort as compared to TVB series in producing a holistic viewing experience. I downloaded Bad Family OST as well and absolutely loving it.

01. Nal Dalm Eun Geu Dae - Dynamic Duo
02. Chuh Eum Sa Ram - Lyn
03. Sarang Ib Ni Da - Go Hyun Wook
04. So Won Eh Ggeut Gga Ji - Wook
05. My Wish - Lee Dong Yoon
06. Ga Jok - Kim Hee Chul
07. Sarang Ee Ran - Lee Eun Ha
08. Bool Ryang Ga Jok (Opening Title) - 2nd Moon
09. PM900 Hwa Mok Han Ga Jok Sa Jin - 2nd Moon
10. Ga Oh Man Sa Sung - 2nd Moon
11. Shampoo Joong Ib Ni Da - 2nd Moon
12. Shin Yong Bool Ryang - 2nd Moon
13. Umma Eh No Rae - 2nd Moon
14. Sarang Ib Ni Da (Instrumental)
15. Ga Jok (Instrumental)
16. So Won Eh Ggeut Gga Ji (Instrumental)

http://daumbgm.nefficient.co.kr/mgbdamu/A0700001/A070000130366401.wma
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http://daumbgm.nefficient.co.kr/mgbdamu/A0700001/A070000130366416.wma

It's hard not to think about my own family after watching a family-oriented drama such as this one. Of course, I'm not comparing my family to the one in the drama. That would be unrealistic. I'm just having the typical I-should-appreciate-my-family-more aftermath.

On a déjà vu context, I read my grandfather's self-written biography moments ago before starting on this entry. M's D wrote it back in 2004 when he was 83. He's still alive, by the way. It was more of a memoir to him.

Flicking through the beginning part which he name The Early Days of My Life, I grew bored after a while because try as I might, I couldn't connect myself to the things happening in China back in the 20s-30s. I flipped forward and stopped at where my grandmother made her first appearance.

I have always wondered what happened to my maternal grandparents. One is in Hong Kong with a daughter who married a local while the other is here with the rest of the ~~kids~~ children. Having watched one too many Hong Kong dramas, I always had the impression that he left her.

According to the biography, that wasn't the case. He insisted on sending the children to a Chinese school because he felt that a Chinese should know his mother tongue while she wanted the children to go to an English school to master the Queen's language due to political and social reasons. He had the last say because he was the man in the family but she wasn't happy about it. It became an underlying danger.

Few years later, his visa/permit to stay was going to expire. He could easily extend his stay just like the many times before but he felt it's time to go back to Hong Kong. He wanted the whole family of 8 to leave together but she decided against, wanting him to go back first and settle down before bringing the children over. He left with a heavy heart.

After some time, he found a big place to accommodate all 8 of them and also a stable job. He then wrote to her and told her to bring the children. She kept giving excuses and postponing the date to leave. He got fed up and stopped mailing money back, in hope that she would finally give in. However, she was a tough cookie. She started a canteen business and raised 6 children on her own. That's how they were separated ever since. Although he came over for M's wedding, reconciliation was made impossible because both sides refuse to apologise first.

Looking at her, looking at M, looking at all the other people from my maternal side, it seems that all the family members tend to become the dominant one when they form their own family. On the other hand, my paternal side seems to be more of the recessive kind. In my second "How Well Do You Know Me?" quiz on facebook, I asked the question which parent I look like. The choices were Mom, Dad, both and neither. I ticked Dad as the answer but Va reminded me that technically, I inherited my physical appearance from both. And sometimes, I feel like I'm very much like both of them. So it does wonder me whose trait will I follow when it comes to being the family boss. Hmm.

It's always said that one should marry someone who can agree on most major issues. Looking at the example portrayed by my grandparents, I realise I have to discuss this with the man I plan to marry. I would love for my kids to speak proper Mandarin (at least) so that their friends won't call them bananas/angmoh sai ~~like how their mother was called~~. What more being a Chinese and the advantage of knowing an extra language. But at the same time, I feel the need to master English well too.

Seriously, I think I have a quota for language. I used to be a lot better in Chinese than English back in primary school. I can remember so very clearly that I can only spell curtain when I was in Year 3. I'm eternally in debt to my English tutor named of Joan Oo. I miss her so much. She was the one who started my English speaking experience. Then, when I was in Form 2, I met Robyn and thus begin the actual transformation.

I started speaking more English than Chinese in my daily life. I even wrote English poems! *cough* But somewhere at the back of my head, and with Yeoh Bee Bee constantly reminding me, I never let go of Chinese. In fact, Yeoh Bee Bee likes reading my weekly journal. And among my close friends, I was actually the pro in Chinese.

Fast forward to my diploma years, I was constantly bashed for my weird way of speaking Chinese, or Mandarin, to be more precise. I was made to feel like I was an outcast in the class. I always thought I'm the lousy one. But aha! My results for that 1.5 year took everyone by surprise. But still, once called an angmoh sai, forever an angmoh sai. Many, if not all, people who met me for the first time would think that I'm English educated but the fact is, I WENT TO A CHINESE PRIMARY SCHOOL! One of the most prestige ones back in my time some more.

And so, I came to a conclusion.
I don't suck in Chinese, I'm just better in English.

Sekian, terima kasih
I do realise how ranty I am in this entry.
Excuse the chatty mode.
Must have been the heat in KL or something.

Beethoven Virus OST

2009-06-14T15:18:00.003+08:00

Beethoven Virus OST
01. Fate
02. Comfort stage
03. My person - Hwan Hee
04. Rashful Du Ru Mi
05. Beethoven’s thoughts
06. Fight
07. Can You Hear Me – Tae Young from SNSD
08. Waiting
09. Maestro
10. Because of one person - Lee Jin Sung (Monday Kiz)
11. Passion
12. Looking from above
13. Day by Day - SNSD
14. Towards tomorrow
15. Shaking love
16. My Humming - Im Ji Hyun
17. Run, Kang Gun Woo
18. Team of passion
19. Dream of future - Mun Ji Sung
20. Will be able to love
21. Dreams of happiness
22. Last concert

http://daumbgm.nefficient.co.kr/mgbdamu/A0700001/A070000142706401.wma
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http://daumbgm.nefficient.co.kr/mgbdamu/A0700001/A070000142706422.wma

Beethoven Virus O.S.T – The Classics vol.1 (2 For 1)
CD 1
01 사라사테 : 치고이너바이젠
02 요한 스트라우스 1세 : 라데츠키 행진곡
03 베토벤 : 바이올린 로망스 2번 F장조
04 베토벤 교향곡 9번 “합창” 4악장
05 베토벤 : 교향곡 5번 “운명”1악장
06 주페 : 경기병 서곡
07 쇼팽 : 연습곡 작품25-11 “겨울바람”
08 모리코네 : 넬라 환타지아
09 피아졸라 : 리베르탱고
10 브람스 : 헝가리 무곡 5번
11 로시니 : 윌리엄 텔 서곡
12 브람스 : 교향곡 3번 F장조 중 3악장

CD 2
13 사라사테 : 카르멘 환타지 중 서주
14 모차르트 : 클라리넷 협주곡 2악장
15 베토벤 : 바이올린 소나타“봄” 1악장
16 오펜바흐 : 천국과 지옥 서곡
17 드보르작 : 교향곡 9번 2악장
18 림스키-코르사코프 : 왕벌의 비행
19 멘델스존 : 교향곡 4번 “이탈리아” 1악장
20 베토벤 : 교향곡 6번 “전원” 2악장
21 드보르작 : 슬라브무곡 작품 46-8

CD-1
01. SARASATE: Zigeunerweisen
Anne-Sophie Mutter, violin
Wiener Philharmoniker
James Levine
02. J. STRAUSS I: Radetzky March Op. 228
Berlin Philharmoniker
Herbert Von Karajan
03. BEETHOVEN: Violin Romance in F major op.50
Philharmonia Orchestra
Myung-Whun Chung
04. BEETHOVEN: Symphony No.9 in D minor, Op.125 'Choral'
-IV. Presto-Allegro assai
Staatskapelle Dresden
Giuseppe Sinopoli
05. BEETHOVEN: Symphony No.5 in C minor, Op.67
-I. Allegro con brio
Simon Bolivar Youth Orchestra of Venezuela
Gustavo Dudamel
06. SUPPE: Light Cavalry
Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra
Herbert Von Karajan
07. CHOPIN: Etude, Op.25 No.11 in A minor 'Winter Wind'
Tamas Vasary, piano
08. MORRICONE: Nella Fantasia
Russell Watson, tenor
Royal Philharmonic Orchestra
09. PIAZZOLA: Libertango
Hector Ulises Passarella, bandoneon. Luis Bacalov, piano
Orchestra dell'Accademia Nazionale di Santa Cecillia
Myung-Whun Chung
10. BRAHMS: Hungarian Dance No. 5
Roby Lakatos Band
11. ROSSINI: Overture - William Tell
Chamber Orchestra of Europe
Claudio Abbado
12. BRAHMS: Symphony No.3 in F, Op.90, III. Poco allegretto
Berlin Philharmoniker
Herbert Von Karajan

CD-2
01. SARASATE: Carmen Fantasy, Op.25-I. Introduction. Allegro Moderato
Anne-Sophie Mutter, violin
Wiener Philharmoniker
James Levine
02. MOZART: Clarinet Concerto in A, K.622, II. Adagio
Alfred Prinz, clarinet
Wiener Philharmoniker
Karl Bohm
03. BEETHOVEN: Violin Sonata No.5 in F, Op.24 'Spring', I. Allegro
Yehudi Menuhin, violin
Wilhelm Kempff, piano
04. OFFENBACH: Overture 'Orpheus in the Underworld'
Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra
Herbert Von Karajan
05. DVORAK: Symphony No.9 in E minor, Op.95 'From The New World' II. Largo
Berlin Philharmonic
Rafael Kubelik
06. RIMSKY-KORSAKOV: The Flight of the Bumble-Bee
Pierre Fournier, cello
Lamar Crowson, piano
07. MENDELSSOHN: Symphony No.4 in A, Op.90 'Italian', I. Allegro Vivace
London Symphony Orchestra
Claudio Abbado
08. BEETHOVEN: Symphony No.6 In F, Op.68 'Pastorale'
-II. Szene am Bach (Andante molto mosso)
Wiener Philharmoniker
Karl Bihm
09. DVORAK: Slavonic Dance Op.46, No.8 in G minor
Symphonieorchester des Bayerischen Rundfunks
Rafael Kubelik

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http://daumbgm.nefficient.co.kr/mgbdamu/A0700001/A070000142836421.wma

Zee Avi - Kantoi

2009-06-12T00:07:00.001+08:00

So cute, yeah?

Andainya

2009-06-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

Andainya aku ada seorang teman istimewa dan dia ingin mengadakan satu sambutan kejutan untuk hari jadi ke-21 aku, pasti dia kesian sangat kerana aku pun tidak tahu siapa yang akan/boleh dijemput. Ini adalah kerana, kalau tak silap aku, hari jadi aku pada tahun ini terjatuh pada masa cuti dan tentulah aku akan balik kampung.

Pada masa itu:
- kakak kesayangan aku dah pun kembali ke Amerika Syarikat untuk meneruskan pelajaran dia
- rakan-rakan dari institut pun pasti akan balik kampung masing-masing
- selain daripada Si Orang Mancis yang baru pulang dari Britian, kalian rakan dari zaman sekolah menengah pun masih berada di negara merata

Dalam keadaan yang paling optimum, sambutan kejutan itu akan dihadiri tidak lebih daripada 12 orang rakan yang sedia ada di kawasan Selangor. Susah, kan?

Nota kaki: entri ini tercetus atas sebab ini.

Where is my holiday? T_T

2009-06-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

Attention: Serious ESS* post ahead.

*ESS: eat-shit-sleep

Since exams ended last last Tuesday, it should have been merdeka for me.
But it was followed by packing the whole room into boxes.
Friday morning, I took off for a leadership camp in Langkawi.
I was only leaving for KL Monday night.
Since I arrived on Tuesday morning, the remaining of the day was somewhat used to overcome my "jet lag".
Wednesday was my typical clean-up-the-house-now-that-you're-home day.
Spent the whole of Thursday with uncle and cousin from HK.
Initial plan for the next day was to play badminton with them again but M took leave to go to Pavilion which ended up as a joy ride instead.
Saturday was 4.5 hours in Sunway Italianese as farewell for senorita kayin.
I greeted Sunday at 0730 hour to accompany M to an atas morning market in Damansara to get chillies and spices for HK uncle to bring back.
Min had tuition on Monday morning so I had to wake her up. The remaining of the day was spent mostly in the Section 14 area.

Tuesday, oh glorious Tuesday.
It was the only day I had time for myself. \(T_T)/
I woke up at 11 because I couldn't sleep anymore.
Took my own sweet time to wash up when grandpa called to ask if I needed lunch.
Started off my day with a cup of pomegranate+mangosteen juice.
Next was an attempt to watch Meet The Robinsons but the DVD was wonky.
Went ahead with X-Men Origin: Wolverine which was zomgbbq superb.
Then, I fell asleep on the couch because I simply can.
I woke up, feeling very fulfilled (lol) and wondered what to watch the next day.
But my bubbles were quickly burst, because an aunt called to tell me she needed my help for the coming days. FML.
Half an hour later, my mood were slightly lifted when she called again to she wasn't free yet.
It got tremendously better after I watched Rush Hour 3. :D
Especially when Carter forced George the cab driver to sing the national anthem. XD

I planned to have homemade popcorn while watching more movies.
I was even hoping to finally get my Beethoven Virus DVD to rewatch the whole series again. <3 <3

But M called me at 1030 and told me to get ready by 1100 to go to gram's house due to death in an extended extended family.
So here I am, annoyed that no one bothered to jot down what the freaking network key is.
I even help gram cooked sweet potato porridge.
Srsly, where are my holidays? T_T

Fukuyama Masaharu

2009-06-08T03:18:00.002+08:00

Some men are just like wine.<3

I'm not back, not

2009-06-03T21:39:00.002+08:00

It's annoying to think of a title for a post about me being back in KL.
I wonder how many entries were named I'm Back for the past 4 years.
Or at least, something to the extend.

So anyway, I'm back, for 3 weeks.
More unrestricted connection, but less time, I suppose.
This page is gonna be real abandoned soon.

S5 Exams

2009-05-25T14:30:00.007+08:00

I find people who constantly complain about exams rather annoying.
People who flood their facebook status, blog entries etc with "exam sucks!!111oneone".
Hate it even more when some would say they barely study and panic when the fact is they would be studying nonstop if they could help not feeling hungry or dirty.
That's why I couldn't be bothered to mention here that I'm actually having exams.
In fact, I am pretty stressed out too, but this is not a place to rant about exam.

The above image is an example of what I did to overcome my stress.
I'm never stressed out by my marks or grades.
Disappointed I may be, but it never really bothers me.
This time around, I was getting restless because I find myself extremely unmotivated.
I tried feeding myself with the thoughts of fighting for my family.
You know, the typical parents-working-hard-so-I-must-be-super-hardworking mindset.
But it didn't work.
Then remembered what Vyk said.
I am the only who is gonna be affected with what I'm (not) doing.
I tried and tried to push myself but that didn't work either.

It was when that face/expression pops into my head.
I know it appeared because I finished the show a day before.
I know it's also because I am very much infected with the virus.
It's not hard to figure out the puzzle by now.
I was:
- too absorbed and obsessed with the drama.
- foolish enough to believe I could finish the series and jump back to books right after.
- extremely unmotivated because the ending was not what I wanted.
- turned off because I was trying to study about Sport Management. (read: theory)
- feeling emo because I don't have my own Kang Mae.

I just didn't want to study because I didn't want to study.
Those were pretty much excuses I used to lie to my brain.
But God knows better.
He sent me an angel in the form of Eva Thong, who reminded me if T&T.
It was as if I was splashed in the face with a bucket of cold water.
It made me think.
Ridiculous as it sounds, it was Eva's words added up with the storyline of a Kdrama that woke me up.
Immediately after, I switched off my laptop, pushed it aside to make space for notes.
Then, I took out my trusty Faber-Castell marker and drew a reminder on my right hand.
And started studying for real.

Almost as hard as how she tried to stay with music despite slowly turning deaf.
*cough*

In case you haven't realise by now, I'm like, totally obsessed with BV.
In fact, I couldn't fall asleep last night and all I was thinking about was BV.
Although in my defense, I was also 'writing' formulas on my bed sheet once in a while.
Somehow, by God's grace, I fell asleep.
But was woken up at 2am because of a noise. FML.
Turns out, roomie isn't getting the rest she should too.
Had to go through the whole ordeal of TRYING to sleep again. FML x2.
Fast forward to 11am, I was blaming the lecturer on duty for standing right beside my table because I couldn't cheat.
I was so out of focus during my Linear Algebra paper that I only managed to complete 10 out of 20 MCQs. FML x3.
Had to push my luck and hope for the best.
Now why do I have to be the last on the name list, i.e corner seat in examination???

Infected

2009-05-23T13:35:00.004+08:00

I was just talking about H1N1 the other day.
Now, I'm infected for real, but with another virus by the name of Beethoven Virus.

I'll spare you of the meaningless stuff you can easily find from the link.

Besides being a animation junkie, I'm also a sucker for musical stuff.
(Phantom of the Opera, for instance)
This time around, it's classical.
To make matters worse, it's orchestra!

I'm not exactly good with music.
I can't read scores to save my life.
I failed my recorder test back in primary school.
I quit guitar in less than 3 months.
I TRIED learning piano on my own.
I am unable to identify a note by listening to it.
In the end, we can figure I'm not that well-developed in the music department.

Still, I like listening to it.
Though I don't think I doing a good job in understanding it.

Then, along came this Korean drama.
Truth be told, I don't like Korean dramas.
I find them too draggy.
But definitely not this.

Only at the 3rd episode, so much has happened.
Then I thought, what are they gonna do for the next 15 episodes?
I spent one whole day to get my answer.
Some scenes are predictable once you figured the characters out.
But some, were more unpredictable and heart breaking.

I realise, I'm more incline to break down at family crisis than romance crisis.
The only time I cried was when grandpa was sent away.
As portrayed in the show, of course.
And almost cried when they found the letter he wrote.

The love triangle:

No prize for guessing who I rooted for. Lol.

Kim Myung Min IS a very talented actor.
He's pretty big in Korea now, and it isn't about his looks.
I agree to one of the articles I read.
I adore him in almost an asexual manner.
Especially after watching the making of.
He's a completely different person in real life.
Further proves how well he acted the character.

Now I want to watch My Love By My Side, White Tower, Bad Family and The Immortal Lee Soon-shin!

Slow Mo Extended

2009-05-19T16:32:00.002+08:00

Remember I said I was slow to react in one of my previous posts?
Well, last Friday, I had another incident to further prove it.

I was told to talk on the stage for a session.
Short talk, 5 minutes top.
The night before, I was trying to come up with a script, or at least a draft.
I couldn't decide on which story to share.
Ended up, I went to bed late with nothing concrete.
I thought myself, come what may.
I'll decide when I get on stage, let the mood lead me.

In the end, running short of time, there was only 2 minutes left before wrap up.
I knew I didn't have time to say what I planned all along so I decided to be impromptu.
I went on the stage, said I found out the video clip has a hidden meaning:
action speaks louder than words
After that, I switched of the microphone, much to everyone's surprised.
Even my mentor, the speaker who gave me the assignment, was standing dumbfounded beside me.
Until I proceeded to gave a hug and wished her happy teachers' day.

That was easy, wasn't it?
It was.
I didn't even flinch a muscle when I was walking out.
But you know something really odd?
My heart was racing so fast, after I went back to my seat.
Instead of feeling nervous before, I felt it AFTER I got back from the stage.
Honestly, if this is not a sign of slow reaction, I don't know what is.

Backfired

2009-05-18T12:20:00.002+08:00

I had to be reminded the hard way.
Every time something big seems to happen for me, I can't help but tell someone.
The excitement, the anticipation, the anyone-has-a-chance-but-I'm-chosen! feeling.
Little do I remember, I always jinx myself by saying it out loud.

I always try to keep things low until they are confirmed.
Like how I knew about me going to Borneo end of last year all along.
But I never reveal a word until the air tickets were booked.
Because I always have my plans backfired when I tell the world too early.

Almost certain that I would be going to Adelaide come June, I told my roomie excitedly.
Then, it also had to be the time I met Eva online.
Ms Thong, the happiest person to know I might be going Down Under.
Who called me up when the sofa bed, one that Shaun was supposed to sleep on during my stay there, arrived last Friday.

When I mentioned to her the return tickets were equivalent to my allowance for a whole semester, she spent time to look for cheaper air fare.
And found.
Then when I called Leng up yesterday, she told me the reason we might be going to Adelaide no longer exist.
How am I supposed to tell her I'm not going anymore??

H what N what

2009-05-17T15:34:00.003+08:00

It's getting kinda sick with all the H1N1 joke flung at me.
Pun VERY much intended.
So what if I was down with fever last Wednesday?
So what if flu decided to join the band the next day?
So what if my throat started to dry up after that?
So what if I'm coughing every few minutes by now?
What's the big fucking deal??

On the other hand, I pretty worried about a junior.
He's down with a really high fever.
The last I talked to him, his temperature was over 40 Celsius.
And he was to be admitted to a hospital in Penang.
At least it's not what the parents thought it might be.
And his voice over that phone conversation, made me melt.
LOL.
In a aw-poor-sick-puppy way.
What more with a paper on Tuesday.
My heart really goes out to him.

Summercleaning

2009-05-10T17:32:00.002+08:00

The weather is too warm for my liking.
I made my mind about certain things.
Cleaned up my fb friends, again.
200 people left, from the original nearing 400.
The difference would have been more drastic if I decided to touch people from college.
Some are kept because of their Super Poke Pets. *sinister laugh*

You know I'm screwed when

2009-05-10T00:32:00.003+08:00

I open my old photobucket account and get freaked out by a few old photos I uploaded of a him.
Seriously, the account is from way back and now it sure feels like it's been forever since I started crushing on him.
I think I should shoot myself now. Gah!

Copycat

2009-05-09T15:54:00.003+08:00

I absolutely hate it when people do what I did.
It makes me feel, not special.
I hate it even more when the person who copied gets praised for his/her creative idea.
Cibai, I would have totally nailed it if some people didn't decide to follow what I did .
I don't fucking care about being a trend setter when credits aren't given where they are due.
And the thing that made me tick is when other people look at me as if I'm the copycat. Megatulan.

Rejection

2009-05-09T00:47:00.003+08:00

I guess I was rejected, in a way of saying.

Then, I woke up this morning, after being rejected in the dream.

Seriously, how fail can I get?

R.E.D

2009-04-29T02:58:00.001+08:00

R.E.D, the new band in town.
(This is what heat can do to you.)

Much thanks to Daeren and Renie for their willingness to participate in my random/stupid ideas.
And also to unsuspecting passerby Kok Tiong who was forced to be the photographer for this shot.
Credits to Microsoft Office Picture Manager for the colour effect and Paint for the font insertion.

The band wouldn't have made it without all your support.
Thank you all, I love you guys!
*proceed to taking of Daeren's shirt and throw to screaming crowd*

Symptom of Facebook Addiction

2009-04-29T01:43:00.001+08:00

e2wen~* hates the fact that her heart stops beating every time her mind wanders off to a certain someone. Or to just see that particular name.

e2wen~* hates it when she's like this.

e2wen~* doesn't understand why she can't stop behaving so stupidly.

e2wen~* feels like a loser when it comes to the matter of the heart.

e2wen~* thinks she should just give up altogether because she's tired of guessing what to do next.

毁约

2009-04-28T14:33:00.001+08:00

说好要放弃的决心跑到哪里了？
怎么越搞越离谱？
为什么我就那么的失败？

Photos of Odd Events

2009-04-27T18:33:00.004+08:00

Odd events which excite me as of late.

A Little Hungover

2009-04-26T14:20:00.001+08:00

I mentioned in my previous entry that I was gonna down some Bacardi.
I did, which explains the title.
But to my surprise, I was more productive today than any other days since practical was over.

I cleaned my room, threw stuff out, and put everything back to where they belong.
Stopped for shower and a unexpectedly heavy lunch.
Right after, I opened SPP to feed to Eudora. (Yes, this is crucial)
Following was to continue my secret project which finally is over.

I'm missing immensely the time I work for William in Paper Boutique.
It's an understatement to say it's by far the best working experience in my life.
I learned so much, from wrapping gifts to dealing with people, and life, in general.
It's no wonder I once had the struggle of listening to William and staying to work for him which he will proceed to give me half the share of his shop or continuing my studies in here.
It's almost like my dream job, to be surrounded by papers of all colours and textures, and gift wrap all day long.
And I would be half a shop owner in Mid Valley at the age of 16!
The only thing that held me back from chasing after that rainbow was all the 'what if's.
What if things turn sour between William and I, given his perfectionism?
What if the shop would not last and I end up jobless with only an SPM certificate?
What if I decided I don't like gift wrapping anymore?

Up to this day, none of the 'what if's happened.
I'm wondering instead, what if I did chase after that rainbow.

Ramblings

2009-04-26T02:45:00.001+08:00

It's been a while, haven't it, to scribble something random, personal, and impromptu.

It's not too bad when I'm feeling guilty about missing church.
'cause it's definitely much worse that I do NOT feel guilty about missing church.
I really do think I should start praying more, especially when exams are inching nearer and nearer. Haha~

My heart is back to the state where its scrunched up into a ball, or simply in a pile.
To feel pain, which isn't quite pain.
To feel love, which isn't quite love either.
Honestly, I never know what to call this feeling I'm having, be it in Mandarin, Cantonese, Hokkien, English or Malay.
I just know, I'm pretty desperate.
If only I could be this honest with myself in general, rather than feeding myself with more and more lies.
That I'm over him, or that I'm not over him but I prefer him as a friend, or that I don't prefer him as a friend but I do not want anything more.
Why is it so hard to be honest with myself?
What kind of life am I trying to lead when I am embarrassed with myself?

I need to shed some weight.
I miss the days I could starve myself silly for money and beauty sake.

Guess it's not too impossible that I'm a shopaholic in disguise.
To spend spend and spend like nobody's business is fun!
Who cares if experts say it's a sign of insecurity?
I don't deny that, because I know it's true.
What the experts should be doing rather than telling me I'm insecure is to provide me with some security.
Simple as that, but why can't they see?

M always say I'm good in the holy angelic way.
Well, in times she's praising me la.
But I'm actually scared when she's like that.
Or anyone else saying the same, for that matter.
Because it's like putting chain after chain on me to tie me down into being THE responsible child.
What if I want to break away and rebel?
What if I DON'T want to take care of her when she's older and I'm capable?
It's like, telling me in advance of what is expected of me.
I always smile sheepishly but proudly whenever people praise me like that.
But deep down inside, I wish and wish it wasn't me who have to fulfill everyone's expectation.

I need to find an empty Coke glass bottle asap.

I really should be sleeping now and wake up earlier to do something about my bloody portfolio and logbook.
Seriously, why the fuck do we have to prepare so much black and white of lies and more lies?

Gah, sleeplessness IS getting on to me.
One can tell that easily when vulgarities start pouring out my mouth like, like, like whatever that pours out one's mouth la.
I just can't be arsed to be technically right right now.

I could have spent the time I type all this nonsense out to compose my compulsory reflection in Chinese regarding my practical experience.
But obviously, I didn't.
'cause I have another week to procrastinate.
Fralala~

I just exposed myself on that facebook note and I hope he will and will not see it.
The contradiction between the mind and the heart.
We can't see the mind but we can see the heart.
Maybe the easier way is to destroy one that can be seen.

I want to go bungee jumping and feel scared.
It does suck to be tough because even if I'm scared shitless on the inside, I still force myself to put on a poker face.
Other times, I'm just not scared at all.
I screamed for the sake of screaming when I'm on a roller coaster ride.
I didn't scream because I was scared, or maybe I was.
But I hide it so well that it bottles up too much and makes me puke for real.

Where are the tears when you need them most?
I'm not sad but I want to cry now.
I don't feel like crying, really, but I WANT to cry.
'cause it makes things look like they make sense.

I decided to put this up on the public blog because I ~~secretly~~ (not anymore!) wants people to respond in sympathy because I am attention seeking.
Whoopedoda, it's not that hard to say that out loud.
I'm attention seeking, I'm attention seeking, I'm an attention seeker, give me all your attention now!
Or I'll sit in my corner and sulk all day because no one wants to bother about me anymore. Boohoo!

Abraham Maslow, why did you have to come up with that silly theory of yours about human needs?

Muuuaah! Good night, world!
Before that, I shall try to knock myself out with Bacardi. Whee~

Ubuntu

2009-04-26T01:48:00.002+08:00

I already planned to change my status on facebook to "is on Ubuntu!".
But turns out my laptop doesn't really agree to that.
It has been a real bitch about going open source.
Tried installing Ubuntu both on its own and also dual OS with WinXP but nothing works.
Where is my knight in shiny armour that can save me from the hassle of all this computer jargon??

And so it ends

2009-04-25T18:26:00.004+08:00

It's been well over a week since practical is over and done.
And I'm been nothing short of bumming around and wasting time.

I've been meaning to put this down earlier, but there always seemed to be more important stuff.
Like sleeping, or facebook.

To wrap things up in a couple of words, practical has been to me as constant lying, popularity test and messing up pupils' studies.

Why constant lying, you might ask.
First off, lying to my lecturers.
I bullshit-ed in my lesson plan and half the time, never carry out what I planned because it takes too much time to make pupils understand that way.
Then, there was covering up for the teacher who's supposed to observe me but never did.

Secondly, lying to the teachers in the school.
Those who had their practical and school-based experience in that school can't agree more that we were bullied by the teachers.
We were constantly given odd jobs which nobody else wants to do because we are considered one rank lower than those permanent teachers.
If we didn't lie around, we probably would have lick the school ground clean.
Also, there were times we went out to photostat stuff but ended up having roti canai for breakfast.

Thirdly, lying to the pupils.
They were constantly bugging us for our numbers and some gave.
I insisted on not giving because I had the chance to experience the consequence of being kind.
"Cikgu, bagi nombor cikgu lah."
"Sorry, tak boleh. Nanti abang cikgu tak suka."
(Padahalnya, abang betul ke abang abeh pun takde.)
"Tak kisah lah cikgu, bagi lah."
"Tak boleh, nanti abang cikgu tak nak cikgu pula."
"Tak nak tak nak lah."
"Siapa pula cikgu nak kahwin?"
"Siapa-siapa pun boleh lah cikgu. Bagi lah nombor cikgu."
"*laugh* Mana boleh kahwin dengan siapa-siapa je? Tak bagi, cikgu tak bagi."
"Ciiiikkkkkkkggguuuuuuuuuu!!!"
"Dah, cukup dah. Cikgu dah kata tak bagi. Jangan minta lagi."

That was an impromptu excuse that pops into mind there and then.
Otherwise, I would have said my phone was stolen the day before, which I let someone else use, thinking no one would ask for my number.

I referred the last few days of my days in school as a popularity test because some of my colleagues kept boosting about what gifts their pupils gave them.
I never once mentioned I what I received, which isn't little.
And I'm pretty sure I would have gotten a lot more if I told all my pupils that I'll be leaving soon, like what they did during the last week.
Honestly, I really don't care much about it all because I find it rather pointless.
I know the pupils are just being kind and nice and all but how many would I remember by the end of the day?
The only good thing from all the presents receiving is that, I could recycle them gifts and give them to pupils in my next school.
Don't talk to me about sentimental values and what not.
I'm pretty damn sure you ain't gonna use any Barbie merchandises either.

Who am I to compare to a teacher who has taught for a year, or ten, or 40?
With my 4-week experience, I'm better off knocking a 6 footer to his feet with a sesame seed.
If I were to follow what I have planned step by step, I'd probably take 5 years to complete the syllabus of a year of Mathematics.
All those teaching aids we spent our sleeping hour on are more likely to impress the lecturers rather than the pupils.
Most Mathematics topics, like it or not, are easier to be enforced by exercise and drills.
That is, because the main purpose of education in our country is to pass exams.
The national philosophy of education is only there for us training teachers to memorise.
I tried to teach problem solving in English but my pupils told me to teach in Malay because they couldn't understand.
And since UPSR is in dual language, why not?
But I heard, a course mate was fired by the headmistress of the school he went to because he used Malay to teach Mathematics.

So you see, in conclusion, practical is not about learning how to teach but rather, lie your way through to get good grades.
Real teaching can only occurs when we are not restricted by Borang PR-1.

[none]

2009-04-24T22:29:00.003+08:00

[Before I could start my entry, a friend came into my room and showed us the new dress she just bought. Then I proceeded to go through the rest of her purchase in her room. Now I'm itching for new clothes. Never mind the fact that I overspent heavily last Saturday.]

And I totally lost why the hell I open this page. Bah.

Edited:
Now I remember!
I cleaned up more friends on facebook!
Whee~

Ok, that was kinda anticlimax.
The fever wore off, obviously, after 19 hours.
Oh well.

Zero Production

2009-04-14T20:41:00.003+08:00

The two words which describe me best at this point.
I have an unfinished post still in draft written on the 9th.
My professional statements for before and during practical are nonexistence.
The reply which I plan to use in respond to a note about racism is half hatched.
My teaching aids which were supposed to be used 2 weeks ago have yet to be materialised.
In fact, as I'm typing this out, I'm half way through reading a PDF file of Sophie Kinsella's The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic.
While trying to fed Eudora on SPP.

I feel so neither here nor there.
How is it that I can't seem to focus on one thing at a time anymore?
Why is it so hard to organise my thoughts these days?
The only thing I can think of is why didn't I get the portable PA system for tomorrow.
And how to overcome the chaos which I actually thought I could handle.
Suddenly, it didn't seem possible anymore.
And now, I'm wondering if I should prepare my lesson plan for Thursday 'cause my lecturer is most likely to go then for the last observe.

I need someone to nag and slap me back to my senses.
Someone who is able to talk me out.
Someone whom I would listen to.
Someone who would actually bother make me listen.
Someone like M.
Life sucks when you can't behave like a kid in front of your parent anymore.
And it sucks even more to finally figure out M and I are somewhat not that fated.
Whenever I called to talk to her, whether it's to just talk or that I really missed her and need some moral support, she would be busy, or occupied.
Then when she tries to call and talk, I'm either asleep, in the shower, or missing the call while being too absorbed into whatever I could have been doing at the time.

There was this one time which she called when I was asleep and Re answered the call.
When I woke up, Re's forgotten about it because she was too caught up with her own lesson planning.
Then, I went for my shower, which M called again.
This time, Re answered and remembered to tell me when I got back to the room.
I called her back as soon as I was done putting on some clothes and stuff.
after she decided to leave for Gram's and was already driving there.
Had a brief chat for less than 3 minutes and she had to hang up 'cause she arrived.
If this is not the most solid example of bad timing, I don't know what is.

See how much I've strayed from the beginning of my topic?
I just can't freaking focus on one goddamn thing.
What the hell is wrong with me?

And I totally hate the weather.
Just because. Bah.

P/s: On a lighter note, at least I MANAGED to finish this one blog entry. Ha ha.

Unexpected

2009-04-06T21:04:00.002+08:00

Her random interaction made my day.
Somehow, I'm not that upset about my pupils anymore. q=

Cleaning Up Friends

2009-04-05T17:24:00.003+08:00

It's an odd thing to be doing, no?
To clean up your friends.
Well, not quite literally cleaning them.
Rather, cleaning up my list of friends on facebook.

When I first started, I was on an adding frenzy.
I think I would consider myself desperate to increase the size of my friend list.
Insecurity? Fame? Hoping to keep in touch with everyone and everything?
I don't know, maybe a little of everything.

But I cleaned it up just now.
Minimized the list to people I've been in class with.
Or at the very least had good times with.
Whether it was in school, after graduating, in church, or that I can spell his/her full name in less than a minute without cheating.

The reduce was almost 25% of the original size.
You can see how nonsense this facebook thing actually is.
Someday, I might just make the list consist of my favourite ten, excluding family.
Someday.

Cape No. 7

2009-04-03T23:17:00.001+08:00

Starring Van Fan and Chie Tanaka.

And special appearance from...

... Kousuke Atari!

*drool*

The movie is what I would call a down-to-earth movie.
Nothing bombastic like alien invasion or superhuman abilities.
Just a simple love story entwined within everyday life happenings.
Though I reckon most would disagree cuz it's just not usual to have a 80-year-old in a rock band.
Heh~

But I'm telling you, nothing excited me more than when Atari made an appearance as himself.
I probably sound like I've been his fan since forever but...

Seriously, how not to fall in love there and then with a man who has got pretty face,

hot bod,

and the greatest voice ever?!

Lol. Enough with the nonsense.
This movie is ok, made better with an eye candy, give it try with you have time to kill.
One thing to take note though, you need to understand Taiwanese Hokkien.
According to the How Good Is Your Hokkien? quiz on facebook, I'm a freaking pro.
So I have no problem watching, nothing to do with the Chinese subtitles. XD

Youtube frenzy

2009-04-02T20:38:00.001+08:00

I clapped to my laptop after watching. Lol.

Amazing!

Earth Hour 2009

2009-03-28T20:03:00.002+08:00

As the hands on the clock inch nearer to 8.30pm, the atmosphere seems to hype up more and more.
Everyone's talking about switching off the lights, but no one talks about what to do then.
When I asked, someone replied that she would be typing out a lesson plan on her laptop.
Another said to catch up on sleep during that 1 hour.
Others simply shrugged their shoulders, uncertain about how to kill 60 minutes.
Can't really continue making more teaching aids in that dark, no?
Doesn't make sense to go watch some telly, either.

I woke up today to the most brilliant idea: star gazing.
Not exact original creative-wise, but definitely my own brainchild.
When everyone's happily switching off lights after lights, it makes perfect sense.
Zero light pollution, or at least, light pollution at its lowest.
I can't think of anything better to do, to make that 3600 seconds more worthwhile.

What will you be doing/did at 8.30pm to 9.30pm on 28th March 2009?

Call me...

2009-03-23T20:30:00.003+08:00

... teacher!

Well, technically speaking, not quite, 'cause I have yet to really enter a class to teach this time around.
My first experience to really teach in a class in a school was a year back, in a native school.
Took me so much time to try to teach them the difference between butterfly and grasshopper.
Not because the insects look alike, but the name in words are equally long. Heh~

So, first day of practical was somewhat a blur, thanks to the ~~fly~~ (wtf) flu I caught yesterday.
I will constantly remind myself that from now on, I will freaking wear a long pants on to a flight.
Especially morning flights, bah.

So where was I? Ah yes, practical.
Have I mention it was all a blur?
Oh, I did.
Other than that, it's was quite boring lar.
Meeting the PK 1, then my mentor, the head of discipline, the teacher whose class I'm taking over, PK 1 again because teacher whose class I'm taking over felt there's some mistake in me taking over her class instead of my mentor's, then half-forced into having small talk with several teachers because we had to lower ourselves and not be egoistic, then finally, meeting the headmaster because one should meet the king when entering a country.

Actually, all of the above don't really bother me as much as how my group members are reacting to this practical.
It's only the first day but half of them (2 out of 4, kiralah) are already so pessimistic about it all.
Throughout the whole journey back, they kept unleashing all the anger and unsatisfactory on to the third member and I.
The driver, one half of the half who are angry, was driving in a relatively reckless manner which scares me.
And to think he's probably gonna be grumpy for the next 19 weekdays and perhaps a couple of weekends too.

Dear God, I pray for the negative aura to stay outside of me and not enter into the roots of my brain. I intend to be the best possible I can with what's left of my motivation as compared to when I first started this course.
I pray that You will teach me to be humble and accept what is thrown at me while seeing it as a form of exercise rather than torture.
I also pray that You will bless me with enough Malay vocabulary to deal with the students.
Lastly, I pray that You will help me while I try to change my group members' perception.
Amen.

p/s: I'm starting a new label: teaching XD

Thoughts on Sabah Trip

2009-03-20T00:16:00.000+08:00

Looking back at the folder of photos taken during my trip to Sabah, I re-experienced the feelings and emotions I felt then.
I also remember that I have yet to post the photos up here.
But, I don't know where to start.

I want to share my experience of going to a stranger's and spend the night all alone in a room without a lock on a double bed.
I want to share my experience of ending up calling the mother Mama.
I want to share my experience of hoping for the first time to have someone sleep beside me.
I want to share my experience of being in awe at the view of the great mountain.
I want to share my experience of getting heart broken but still managed to laugh it off because I couldn't cry at that time.
I want to share my experience of deciding to offer a helping hand to stranger on the plane while experiencing turbulence.

But it takes too much time and effort.
If I have time, I would even tell you why I cried in front of another stranger in Labuan.
But I don't.

For the n-th time, I have to admit pictures do speak a thousand words.

至亲爱的王学长

2009-03-19T03:33:00.001+08:00

就因为知道你看不懂华文所以决定这样向你告白。
嘻嘻，我很顽皮吧？
其实是把这段爱慕埋在心底真的很令人郁闷。

喜欢你有两年多了。
从悄悄喜欢上你到决定告白到告白不成到你恋上别人到帮你追求她到你们分分合合到决定放弃到你和她完全了断到重新喜欢你，你都有几分本事嘛。
哈哈~还是我自己太天真太傻？

我喜欢开始发现到自己恋上你的时候。
那时的我，满面春风。
后来的我，虽不至于以泪洗脸但天天阴阴沉沉，自己看到都讨厌。

所以我决定，我不要再爱慕你了。
我要把你变成我最好的死党，最亲的哥儿们。
因为我情愿从未开花结果，也不想让你从我生命中失去。

而且，我其实非常痛恨情绪被你（或任何人）牵着走的我。
不喜欢因为你没对我笑而发脾气。
更讨厌和你传简讯时每五秒钟就望望手机的笨模样。

所以我决定了，我现在向你默默地告白因为我要放手了。
感谢你一路来给予的丝丝小幸福，片片小快乐，我是真心喜欢你的。
祝福你在感情路上不会像我那么坎坷，快快找到那个和你长厢思守的人。

再见咯！

From Numb3rs

2009-03-18T05:09:00.001+08:00

If you want to feel better, take a pill.
If you want to know the truth, face reality.

The Saddest Bear of All by David Guy

2009-03-17T17:23:00.002+08:00

Click Here.

I am the bear.

I Forgot

2009-03-17T15:51:00.000+08:00

Every time I tell someone I had/have autism, they will look at me wide-eyed and ask how I "heal" from it.
I always thought it was because of the bunch of friends I made through basketball who are technically older but junior to me by a year.
That was in Form 2.
I had quite a long phone talk with D and he told me something which made me realise it wasn't that which mark the exact beginning of my transformation.

Back in Form 1, I was a PRS, Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya, under Unit Kaunseling.
Was requited by a particular Andrea Yong or Yeong if I remember correctly on the first day of my high school.
If I were the me now, I would have hated her over-friendliness.
But I was me then, and her willingness to actually talk to me made her wishes my command.
I joined PRS as she suggested and attended duty without fail.
I even asked my parents to let me go for the leadership camp they organised in Dusun Eco Resort, Pahang.
M was unwilling because I "wouldn't know how to look after herself" but D insisted that I go.

I wouldn't have notice myself of the changes I showed upon returning and never would if D didn't tell me over the phone conversation.
Apparently, I came back almost miraculously changed with more confidence.
It was my first time away from family and I could behave and do whatever I wanted to, of course, within limits of rules and regulation.
I had no one to try to impression and I was not restricted to do things I have never done before just in case I fail.
I was given the chance to try everything out and surprisingly, I managed to reach a new level of achievement in those things I tried.
And you know what, people were actually impressed.
People who only got to know me through the camp expressed their awe.
Imagine a Form Sixer admitting defeat to a Form 1 noob.
And the F6 girl was Felicia or Amerjit's daughter.
I do not know how else to further explain the self-satisfactory I experienced for the first time.

That was exactly when I started to learn to be confident.

"jack of all trades, master of none"
I envy people who are pro in a certain field because they get to be so good in one thing.
In college, I am known to be good in Mathematics and English, that I do not deny.
But in actual fact, deep down inside, I never believe I'm the best.
I always had to refer to Mei about Mathematics.
Was never confident enough to believe my answer.
And my English is plain shitty now, to have to stutter every time I use English, no matter how confident I may appear.

Then in co-curriculum, since primary school, I have played and win numerous events.
In games, basketball, netball, volley ball, handball, badminton.
In athletics events, sprint, long-distance run, weight, hurdle, and even tug-a-war.
In other stuff, singing, dancing, colouring, designing, drama etc.

Gosh, so tak tau malu of me to list out all the nonsense stuff.
It's almost unbelievable of me to actually achieve some of the things I did.

But my point is, my point is, I don't know what I'm trying to say anymore.
All I know is this phrase is replaying in my head:

Jack of all trades, master of none.

Because I'm sick of typing matrix equations.

2009-03-12T02:48:00.002+08:00

THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU:
1) Evon
2) Wen
3) Von

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES:
1) replied a facebook message
2) typed out several matrix
3) finished my written part for a Mathematics assignment

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE JUST STAYING AT HOME:
1) sleep in till late
2) stalk facebook and bloghop
3) read a good book

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE:
1) sincere and comforting hugs
2) things that make me smile, as plain as a hand drawing or as extravaganza as a car
3) roses in the right shade of deep red

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1) sleep in
2) bloghop
3) sports

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION:
1) where D and Leng are
2) various places in Aussie
3) home, or any food haven

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
1) plain water
2) Milo, those prepacked ones sold in hypermarket
2.5) Baileys
3) VeGood Purple Carrot juice

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1) Sony Ericsson k750i
2) LG KG370
3) Nokia 3610

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1) white
2) apple green
3) royal blue

TOP THREE HANGOUTS:
1) home
2) places I do sports
3) high places where I can get a far and wide view

TOP THREE WHO DO YOU THINK WILL ANSWER THIS SURVEY:
1)
2)
3)

TOP THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU:
1) hugs
2) a particular hand gesture involving the thumb and forefinger which means 'smile!'
3) love

TOP THREE THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY LATELY:
1) watching the big book I made from scratch take shape
2) swimming, though I ended up more upset than before over it
3) M calling because she heard all the way from Leng about my physios